#guilty verse 2017 version

[voca-song-a-day]

Today's featured song is: "Guilty Verse (2017 version)" by PeperonP feat. Hiyama Kiyoteru!

[9w1ft]

I always interpreted evermore as a song about depression, I never linked it to Kaylor, can you tell me your view on this song?

dang i had a conversation about this with someone several months ago but i can’t find it. ill give you the abridged version. firstly, i think it can be about both! because the situation got depressing there for a hot minute!!

taylor said in an interview with zane lowe for apple music that she had written the song when the election was upon us and she didn't know what was going to happen. evermore the album was released in december 2020, which suggests that she wrote it pretty close to the release date, but also had time to reflect on what she knew to be true before releasing it— that trump wouldn’t win reelection. there’s a billboard article where she talks about the moment she learned biden won and i think it meshes really well with how evermore concludes thematically and emotionally.

when we think about the impact that trump being elected had on kaylor back in 2016–throwing a birthday party for lorde only days before the 2016 general election and wearing the vsfs angel wing ring in public for the first time, and that picture of them both kissing lorde on the cheek, going from that to at once enacting a love blackout and never being seen regularly in public again (the next time being rep tour 2018)— and on top of that, them going out of their way to separate themselves in the media via the creation of a “feud” during 2017 (swish swish, sushigate, etcetera) which pitted karlie with katy perry and kanye and cast her as someone for swifties to hate, guilty by association, we can imagine the weight and sadness of this chapter in their story. this is the start of the pain. this choice (i consider it a choice), to take the battle underground, sunk kaylor little by little into the world of the improbable for any casual observer. and it also put somewhat of a hex on karlie indefinitely, and for as brave of a soldier as she is, its an awful long while to be put in jail for something you didn’t do.

with these details as the background, i consider evermore to be a song chiefly about 2019 onward, though you might also position some of the date markers in the song within a sort of 2016/2017 focused timeframe. personally though i tend to think that 2019 events work just as well and operate under similar themes. for example, “hey november i’ve been down since july” could be in reference to the period of time where it became slowly more clear that the 2016 election results might not be a non-starter. or, it could reference the day after the masters sale (which was end of june 2019) and the theorized “failed coming out” that many expected her to do at the new york city pride parade that week. this followed by november, the conclusion of editing Miss Americana which would be released the following month (“motion capture put me in a bad light”) or alternatively november 2020, the point at which she is writing this song. there’s also an lsk theory that taylor and karlie were broken up from july to november 2019 but im not so versed in that so i’ll just keep it to a mention.

in any case, “hey december” can circle back to miss americana being released, not as a coming out documentary but as a “political coming out” documentary. hence the “can’t remember what i used to fight for.”

or it could be both, in a way. for example rewinding the tape but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost could be both the rewinding of the miss americana documentary released in 2019, and/or perhaps conceptually the idea of the 2016 election night footage being rewound by everyone in the disbelief that occured the night that “all was lost”

because all was lost that night, in a way, no?

i tend to see justin vernon’s part as being a depiction of karlie after kaylor was exiled to a new level post the masters sale. i don’t mean this to say they were broken up. it’s just that they had to do a factory reset on a lot of the progress that had been made up until that point, and they would not be seen together (in order to accomplish some vigilante shit, is what i think anyway). back to justin vernon’s lines. it just reminded me deeply of all the hate karlie got that summer. and indeed, all the hate she had accrued until then. whether summer or winter, this feuding arc had put karlie in a position that i would argue was growing unbearable and incessant. “out on waves im being tossed, is there a line that i could just go cross?” referring to the latest wave of said hate. in this scenario, “can’t not think of all the cost and the things that would be lost oh can’t we just get a pause to be certain we’ll be tall again?” seems like karlie calling out to taylor, amidst the haze and confusion of the masters sale, think about everything that we would be giving up if you don’t come out right now. (think of me.). and then upon that line leading nowhere saying hey let’s pause before we hurt each other, to be certain we will make it through. here “tall again” reminds me of paper rings “standing here so tall”

so what of the ending? well, as a time marker i would once again refer to when the song was released, post-2020 election, where taylor saw that trump had lost and they would have a path forward. …covid-19 was yet to happen of course, and with that i think there were life priority shifts, but i just see evermore as a song that covers taylor and karlie seeing a light at the end of the tunnel that had been their love lockdown to love blackout to exile story. its a song that encompasses so much hope and i just really really really love it as a kaylor song because of the specificity with which you can tie it to their story, specifically a more contemporary chapter, the likes of which we hadn’t had too many songs depicting up until that point (basically just peace/hoax/the lakes).

so yeah that’s why it’s a kaylor song to me 🫶

[salvatoraes]

okay but speaking as someone who lives for and loves crossover ships (be they canon/oc or just canon muses from different source materials): please tell me more about salvacooper and fabratore, pls & thx <3

a glorious question !!! i'll take any opportunity to gush about these two ships !! i'm gonna start with fabratore because i have a lot more to say on salvacooper lol. there's just a lot that goes into them heh.

so, fabratore is a ship between stefan & miss quinn fabray ( written by miss caroline, @alchaemy ) it started off with caroline making a tvd verse for quinn, where she's a cheerleader & eventually turns into a vampire. i can't remember how she turned, you'd have to ask care lol but stef ends up helping her with her transition & they fall sooo in love. she pulls him out of his shell a lot, she helps him not be broody as often & he stays on the football team unlike in canon when he quits or i guess he never really quit but after mr. tanner died ( thanks damon 🙄 ) i don't recall them getting a new coach but we can pretend in this version. they're the couple who is together all throughout high school, the lowkey jock couple even though stef isn't really a jock in his eyes. so cute & mostly pure while she also deals with being a baby vamp. we've had them since i wanna say 2017 / 2018 ? & i just love them so much ...

now, salvacooper is our favorite ship together, our most developed, multiple - verses for them. ugh. so i apologize because this is gonna get long. salvacooper is stefan & miss betty cooper ( taken out of riverdale & put into tvd / the hundred ) betty is both of our favorite character in RD so when care decided to pick her up, we of course wanted to build a ship with them, but little did we know how much we'd do. betty has full verses for tvd, the 100 & legacies that we have ships for them. also one of our mutual friends is a genuine stan of them & she used to freak out about them & read our threads back in the day lol. under the cut is what i can remember of our verses for them, you don't have to read them of course but i figured i'd give the details <3

in the tvd verse, we have a version where betty is a wolf hunter who runs into klaus and stefan when they're hunting for wolves. klaus finds her but assumes she's a wolf & kills her to turn her into hybrid, little did he know she wasn't a wolf. & right when she wakes up, she's in a cabin, stefan with her & helps her & keeps her safe from klaus. they eventually fall in love while he's helping her be a new vampire ( just like he helps quinn lol ) another version we have is, betty is a wolf hunter in mystic falls, she meets stefan, they start dating, fall for each other & then she catches him drinking the blood bags in the salvatore basement, & that's how she finds out he's a vampire. they eventually work through it, and she once again turns into a vampire but again i can't remember how for this time.

the hundred ... ( if you haven't seen the show, i'm sorry if this makes no sense hgufjoi ) this verse for them is our most tragic & most developed verse for them. they met when everyone was still on the ark, but they didn't talk much. & then everyone went to the ground, they ended up becoming close, they fell in love QUICKLY, never left each others side until s2 & then other shit happens. fast forward to when everyone's down under the bunker, a year of them being in the bunker happens, stefan gets sick. he's sick as if it's like the flu in this universe. betty working at their med bay, steals some medicine for him even though he told her not to. a couple days pass, he starts to feel better but not enough to be okay. a couple more days pass, betty was caught for stealing the meds & would now have to be thrown into the pit ( a fighting pit where criminals or people found guilty would have to fight to the death, only one left standing ) the night before betty had to go into the pit, stefan proposed. as a hopes that she would somehow get out of this. the day comes, stefan wakes up to an empty room. betty was down at the arena where the pit is. he rushes ( slowly, was still weak from being sick ) he makes it there, was being held back by one of the guards, not allowed to go down to see her. he has to watch her fight in the audience like the rest of the people, however he was being held back tightly because they knew he'd run down to her. eventually, the guard is too busy paying attention to the fight and stefan gets free. he rushes down to the arena, when he finally gets there betty was stabbed in the abdomen by one of the fighters. stefan screams out, he makes it into the pit. she's bleeding out, he pulls her into his lap, she ends up dying in his arms. needless to say, he doesn't get past it. he wears her blood stained scrunchie on his wrist every day after that. there's a post somewhere where i wrote his pov of her death, could find that if you wanna see it ! lol but it's tragic.

legacies, this one we don't have too much of but as you know, in my legacies verse stefan comes back to life in a different body. after being dead for 13 years, he's a baby witch, yadda yadda. betty is a teacher at the salvatore school, they end up reuniting and she at first can't believe it's him because of the new body but they make their way back to each other.

then we have a simpler tvd universe verse where they do end up getting married, having a life together & all that good stuff. <3 i don't recall her being a vampire for this one either.

and one more in the tvd universe that's not fully developed but we have a throuple type situation with one of @prophecey 's muses ( harry bingham ) where the three of them work out a lil situation. since they both love stefan so much heh. harry is another major crossover ship i have for him. care's betty & kt's harry are two of the few exclusives i have for canon muses bc i can't / won't see myself writing / shipping with other versions of either !

so yes, that is a big chunk of the salvacooper lore lol, i'm definitely missing pieces to their tvd verses but i adore and appreciate the question ! i could truly ramble about them & fabratore forever. thank you lovely !!! i apologize for how long this got ahhhh

[from-the-mind-of-a-hamster]

nicki minaj and her relationship with ab*sers

[TW: r*pe/statutory r*pe/s*xual ab*se, doxxing, stalking, etc.]

anyone who is involved with stan culture probably knows nicki, and how close of a relationship she has with her fans. nicki is wildly popular and influential as an artist. she paved an even larger path for a new generation for women in rap, and even though there are women who came before her, it is quite clear a lot of the new rap we hear is an extension of nicki’s influence. let me preface this with some things. i am not here to attack nicki, discredit her or accuse her of anything, as a matter of fact i want to say that everything in this is allegedly. a lot of this stuff can be found in articles over the internet, so if anything there can be links to those articles found throughout this article. 

now let us begin…

roman zolanski, i am sure you’ve heard that name before. it is one of her most famous “alter egos”. roman is known as her violent, threatening and vulgar alter who has been featured in verses like the one on monster by kanye west. a lot of people have taken a liking to roman because of their delivery, realness and aggression. it is sort of like the version of nicki who doesn’t take shit from anyone and will destroy whoever tries to take them down. although a lot of people love this alter ego, roman zolanski is quite literally a play on words to the director roman polanski who plead guilty to a hefty amount of crimes, including but not limited to, unlawful s*xual intercourse with a m*nor. although nicki has famously rapped “Yes, my name is Roman, last name Zolanski But no relation to Roman Polanski” in the song stupid hoe, it is very disturbing to think she has created an alter ego known for being violent with a name that can be associated with a person so disgusting.

for a while now, nicki has faced criticism for working with ab*sers, so much hate that many barbz  believe that there was a hate train formed against her from 2017 to 2019, before she had her career resurgence from tiktok. she had claimed to retire in 2019 but then came back and made not one, but TWO songs with tekashi 6ix9ine, FEFE and TROLLZ. there was a lottttt of backlash for this, and for good reason too. since the beginning of his career 6ix9ine has been in a whirlwind of controversy. from the infamous “snitching”, to instigating actual gang members and disrespecting the dead, to allegedly partcipating in the r*pe of a minor. he was sued for a couple of things relating to this such as child sexual abuse. https://pitchfork.com/news/tekashi-6ix9ine-sued-for-2015-sexual-assault-of-a-minor/ not only did she work with him on the track, she publicly defended him and fought for him to perform with her at the VMAs.  she said, “It is what it is. When I know somebody there’s nothing you can tell me about him. That’s just how it is.” now most rappers stayed away from danny (6ix9ine) because of his controversial career, but she didn’t. which is kind of disturbing because as a mother, why would you want to be connected to someone who has done something like that to a child? 

she has also collaborated with dr. luke numerous times, and even gave him a number one hit for “super freaky girl” recently. dr. luke is known for his (alleged) ab*se towards the artist, kesha. many people have been clocked for working with him because he has worked so hard to destroy kesha’s career after she made the allegations against him. In 2011, britney spears, nicki minaj and kesha were all on a remix of till the world ends. only eleven years later, in 2022, when asked about kesha on queen radio, nicki claimed to not know who she is. this is sort of hard to believe ESPECIALLY when she tweeted this in 2010:

well that’s not the only r*pist she proudly stands by. let’s talk about her brother who is facing 25 to life for predatory sexual assault. let me start off by saying, it’s not nicki’s fault that her brother is heinous, but what makes it horrible is the fact that SHE PAID $100K FOR HIS BAIL. not only did she do that, but she doubled down by saying she supports him “100 percent” (more like 100,000) and even made a post after his arrest about how much she loves him. i guess this goes to show nicki might have a type of people she likes to surround herself with.

this is a post she made to her brother, despite him being a full blown child r*pist.

 her husband is also famously known for being a r*pist, whether her fans want to believe it or not. in 1995 he was accused of first degree attempted r*pe, and to this day he has to register as a s*x offender. not only did she start a relationship with this man knowingly, she also married and procreated with him as well. really solidifying her stance on being a r*pe apologist. his victim has also filed a harassment lawsuit against him because the pair supposedly tried to pay her $500K to recant her story so he would not have to register as a sex offender anymore.

one thing about barbz, those fuckers do not play. nicki is often talked about because of her many beefs with other women in rap. from cardi b, to lil kim, to now megan thee stallion, coi leray and latto. a lot more recently, nicki has been going to her show, queen radio, to air out some of her business. when this happens, whether a direct name is mentioned or not, fans are quick to figure out who is being talked about, and tries to put them in their place. take the queen of the hot girls for instance, nicki went to queen radio and spoke about an experience she had with another female rapper who was trying to pressure her to drink while she was trying to conceive. she said: “Imagine telling someone you didn’t want a drink… you know, because you were, at the time, possibly pregnant, because you were actively trying to have a baby,” she said. “Imagine that person saying, ‘Oh girl, you can go to the clinic!” 

anyways, barbz started attacking megan, because they assumed it was her. megan refuted the claims by saying “LIE”. 

mind you, this person directly tagged megan, and made these awful claims, what was she supposed to do? be quiet, not speak on it, and let the internet think she was hiding in shame because of these allegations? well, apparently she should have, because barbz started attacking her because in the original story no name was mentioned, and even though fans were tagging meg, asking her to speak on it, meg was supposedly wrong for responding to something she was never involved in. 

another issue is presented in text messages to a reporter who was somehow doxxed after speaking negatively about nicki. her twitter is @KimberlyNFoster and she shared screenshots of messages received from barbz.

this is the tweet that warranted the response that follows:

 and instead of nick putting a stop to her fans, she was liking tweets that backed up why her fans were right for doing that.

i know barbz are a super large, and influential fan base, but it is quite clear there is a lot wrong with nicki and her stance on things. instead of listening to her criticisms, or even allowing others to have an opinion that is anything other than positive, people like to believe that there is a higher power in the industry trying to take her down. nicki has done a lot of things wrong in her career, and instead of acknowledging those critiques, she gets defensive and doubles down on it.

who knows, do you think her stance on ab*sers will lead to the downfall of her career? do you think that she will only get stronger because her fan base is so dedicated? is there anything you think i’ve missed? feel free to interact!

[links to articles can be found here:

- https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/roman-polanskis-alleged-sexual-assaults-what-you-need-to-know-117579/

- https://pitchfork.com/news/tekashi-6ix9ine-sued-for-2015-sexual-assault-of-a-minor/

-  https://www.essence.com/celebrity/child-rape-trial-begins-nicki-minaj-brother-jelani/

- https://news.yahoo.com/nicki-minaj-husband-kenneth-petty-151244370.html

-  https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.73338/title.megan-thee-stallion-nicki-minaj-abortion-claim

[snowflake-risotto]

Eurovision 2021 Ranking w Comments

1. Denmark - Look this is god tier, idk what all the twitter ppl are talking about. Yeah it may be "dated", but by that logic, so is Finland.

2. Czech Republic - Again, god tier, but odds are also saying it won't qualify!!! Maybe I am out of touch.

3. Bulgaria - "No doubt you're worth saving, when getting up is all you've got" FUCK I CRIED.

4. Russia - Everything Toy wanted to be. Fave backing singer is the sweaty man.

5. Australia - We actually served this year and chances are we won't qualify. Yes, I am mad cause somehow our 2017 song qualified and it was shite.

6. Lithuania - The verses, the chorus, the yellow costumes, the hand thing. It's just too hard to pinpoint my favourite part of the whole package.

7. Georgia - LBR this will never qualify, but up until we get the MYYYY LOOOVVVEEEE its my favourite song. Idk it feels like such a waste that some mindless pop might qualify instead of this (*cough* *Moldova*).

8. Ukraine - I prefer the original version. This is still amazing tho.

9. Croatia - Love it. Suck shit 5g conspirator lady.

10. Cyprus - Some of the lyrics are so stupid (hotter than sriracha on the body), but goddamn that shit is catchy.

11. France - Everyone is raving about her performance style, but I'm not a fan tbh. Love the song tho and she does sing it so much better live than on the recording.

12. Italy - Out of the two rock offerings this year, this one is more timeless. Also, HELL YEAH! FEMALE BASSIST!

13. San Marino - Flo Rida or no Flo Rida it's a banger. Lmao @ Flo rida tho for judging a bikini competition instead of coming to a little insignificant song competition.

14. Poland - My guilty pleasure. It's just way too chaotic to hate (kinda like daddy Serhat in 2019) daddy Rafał hold me like one of your fish.

15. Serbia - Look I was annoyed at first listen, but a few rum-ba-ba-ba-bums later, it's a chaotic masterpiece, not a chaotic mess like #33.

16. UK - Massive improvement! Congrats, I guess. HOWEVER, I feel that this will still struggle to make top 20.

17. Belgium - Remember how they fired their singer that was supposed to represent them last year, it is for this reason that I think this song is a diss track about her. LUKA WORE THAT JOHNNY CASH T-SHIRT.

18. Ireland - Similar to last year, but unlike Azerbaijan, there are enough differences to make it a likeable entry. This of course is helped by the fact Ireland was a bit of a guilty pleasure last year.

19. Netherlands - Jeangu's voice is so rich and beautiful. I love the lyrics, but it is naïve of everybody to think that the commentators ( I'm looking at you UK) won't make a joke about that one lyric that sounds like a vegetable. I'm not gonna say what it is, google is free yanno.

20. Switzerland - It's one of those songs that I needed to listen to several times to appreciate.

21. Iceland - I love his message and his wholesomeness. Overall I like it, but I feel like the eurofan choir was only thought of to please the public in the short-term.

22. Malta - I love Destiny. I love her voice, her personality and the fact that she grew so much as a singer in front of our very eyes. However, they could have given her something that does not sound like a Melfest reject.

23. Norway - Radiohead 'Creep,' but make it g rated with design inspiration from Azerbaijan 2008 and and Croatia 2019.

24. Sweden - It's Sweden. It's safe, good and polished, but far too safe, good and polished.

25. Austria - On one hand, I can see through it as a jurybait wannabe. On the other hand, I do get (a good) emotional listening to it.

26. Greece - Its a vast improvement. This song suits Stefania better, unlike the "hello fellow kidzzz" rubbish of last year.

27. Finland - Welcome to 2004.

28. Slovenia - Excellent voice. That's it.

29. Spain - When I listened to it for the first time, I liked it, but I haven't really listened to it since.

30. Estonia - Pretty standard song, nothing special. Everyone calling Uku "daddy" on twitter is kinda funny tho.

31. Romania - I prefer Bulgarian Billie Eilish.

32. Portugal - The song is alright, his voice however is a bit too nasal for my liking.

33. Azerbaijan - You literally sent the same song. No effort! Boo! However, I do like the 20 second shaky camera disaster at the end of the music video.

34. Albania - I feel bad putting this so low, but when you have a national final so early, I often just forget it exists come contest time.

35. Latvia - Since I didn't like Samanta's offer last year or Tamara's song from 2019, it's probably the blonde bob haircut that I don't like.

36. Is**el - Out of all the pop songs this year, I am the most indifferent to this one.

37. North Macedonia - Better luck next year.

38. Moldova - The bit where Natalia dances with ice cream cones is unsettling because it reminds me of the music video for les succettes where dancing lollipops/penises are in the vicinity of France Gall.

39. Germany - The one guy that insists on playing his ukulele in any given situation. If you thought that was bad, just wait for the beat to drop.

[mikeywheeler-kincare]

Alright! Had to open notepad for this one. For the self-isolation asks, emojis 🎯💡and 🎟️. For the pretty word asks, words lover, galaxy, and honey. For the cat asks, words tabby, siamese, munchkin, ragdoll, and maine coone! - Blaire (I need song recommendations can you tell? lmao)

OOOO that’s a lot of questions!!! imma throw on a song so i can answer all these without my adhd trying to screm

🎯 if you could gain any skill instantly, what would it be?

aaa,, this is kinda expected for me ig??? but definitely the skill to draw good anatomy w/o reference--it’s so frustrating to be limited to poses that have been photographed!! i want to make intricate and weird stuff!!

💡 what hobby did you start doing most recently?

oooo!! okay this one’s kind of complicated--i’ve been playing piano on and off since i was like. really young . but i started picking it up more seriously (and by seriously i mean playing chords and shit to sing along to) very recently and i believe that’s my most recent hobby, unless my divination stuff counts--bc that’s a bit more recent!

🎟  what are some artists/bands whose music brings back childhood memories for you?

OH BOY UR JUST ASKING FOR ALL THE EMO BANDS LMAO,, okay but for real, it’s not all emo bands. all time low is the first one to come to mind, but as a kid i was also a huge taylor swift fan (and i still love her music, it’s more of a guilty pleasure now tho,,)--and like anything from before the 90s brings back childhood memories of my mom trying to force me to listen to it!! i hated it back then, but now i’ve gained a new appreciation for all sorts of music, and the only thing i don’t really like is certain jazz singers,, don’t really know any names LMAO but i really do recommend all time low if you wanna listen to some music!!! my fav songs by them are dancing with a wolf and remembering sunday!

lover: what’s your favourite song?

oh this changes like every 10 seconds i’m not gonna lie--but at the moment it’s a russian song!! i’ll just drop the spotify link::  > click me !

galaxy: your favourite and least favourite films?

OH THAT’S A HARD ONE,,, i don’t watch a lot of movies/films,,, but i think my favorites have to be the it movies from 2017 and 2019 (so chapter 1 and chapter 2) [and generally anything that finn wolfhard stars in ? he’s fuckin amazingngngngngng he’s actually my special interest rn ,,,] and,, a least favorite would probably be um,,, poltergeist i guess? i love horror movies but i fell asleep watching it when i was younger and it never really interested me!!

honey: what’s your favourite memory?

OMG my favorite memory is totally breaking my arm about a year ago!! the whole experience was so surreal, and it was fuckin hilarious!! i don’t wanna post the whole story here since this post is getting,, really long but. if you wanna hear abt that just inbox me again and i’ll laugh my ass off typing it all up!!!

tabby: do you have any weird/hidden/obscure talents?

YES I DO--for one i can move my pinky toes individually, and on my right foot i can move my fourth toe as well (but not on my left?) !!! i can also do that thing where u stretch ur thumb all the way back OR forward (depends on which hand we’re talking abt) to touch ur wrist lmAO!! i’m also an avid horseback rider!! well,, i was before i broke my arm, but i do want to get back in the saddle!! there’s just a lot going on with the healing process right now, broken titanium plate and all that,,, will post abt that if you want me to as well!!

siamese: any tattoos/piercings? (if so: which? if not: which would you get?)

OOO LOVE THIS!!!! for piercings, i have an industrial bar on my left ear, and my lobes are stretched to 12g !! my parents said i can’t go any bigger til i’m an adult but i plan on going all the way to 0g, maybe slightly bigger? idk ! and i don’t have any tattoos yet, BUT i know my first tattoo is gonna be a treble/bass clef heart with a heart monitor line through it on my left wrist!! i want my second tat to be my favorite horse (and the one that broke my arm) running between the surgery scars on my left arm!! and then for a third tattoo, on my right wrist i want to get something to match with my mom. she’s got a dopamine molecule tattoo so i was thinking i’d get serotonin to match !! we’re avid psychology lovers,, and i also want a whole plethora of piercings (none of which are inappropriate i promise that sounds painful no thank u) but i can go into that later lmAO

munchkin: top 10 songs rn!

OOOO HELLA HELLA they’re in no particular order bc i’m so indecisive abt my favorite songs,,,

that russian song

i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie

boats & birds - gregory and the hawk

the bird and the worm - the used

you n’ i - rainlord.

i want you to want me - chase holfelder

every breath you take - chase holfelder (i live for his minor key versions of things don’t judge me)

murder - boyinaband (TW FOR THIS ONE IT’S SUPER MORBID I JUST REALLY LIKE IT HHH,,,)

prom queen - beach bunny

notice me - alli simpson

as you can see, my music taste is all over the got damn place but it’s alrighT LMAO

ragdoll: what’s something you wish you could like or get into, but you just can’t?

eee definitely anime and manga!! i’ve always been very intrigued by a lot of the plots and stuff, but i can never sit down and get really invested in it. and it makes me kinda sad, bc i’d like to add more sources to this blog,,!!

maine coone: do you have any strange/odd/obscure interests? (what are they?)

I DOOOOOO i’m both autistic and the adhd king (diagnosed when i was 5 for both of em) so i have plenty of fixations to talk about. some of the bigger interests of mine include finn wolfhard (but that’s not really obscure, lots of ppl love him), stranger things (also not obscure), and kin stuff in general (also not obscure)! BUT to get obscure, we have to dive deep!! i love psychology, i love poetry (and i mean like. really obscure strange free-verse poetry like i write that kinda stuff), and i’m particularly obsessed with wicca/witchcraft to the point where i’ve even become a baby witch!! i feel very connected to everything i’ve been doing with that, and i even got over a crush and rejection duo by making myself a sigil that i kept in my phone case for months! it’s,,, so much funnnn!!! divination is my favorite part honestly,,

anyway!! i hope this answered all of your questions, blaire, and i’m really excited to get more asks for these games!! this was seriously a lot of fun!!!! i love getting to know my followers and i love when my followers wanna get to know me !

thanks again for asking!!

- mod mike

[ungrateful-cyborg-moved]

6, 20, & 22 for the asks! Any character you like :3

Their vices (physical or emotional) - Astrid

Sugar. Chocolate especially but really, just sugar in general. And good books. She might consider selling someone out for the right book (and then feel terribly guilty about having considered it in the intimacy of her own thoughts but you know. Books.)

Astrid is a bit too inhibited for anything more spicy than that I'm afraid. But then at the same time she found her place in the group she's in currently by cooking pastries so... yay sugar!

What-ifs/Alternate Timelines - Inge

1. She was meant to be my WoL rather than an RP character but I loved her backstory so much that I ended up wanting to write her more often than I would have otherwise. So that AU still exists somewhere in my head, albeit it has faded away since I’ve got Aïcha.

Basically the main difference is that Inge’s backstory is exactly the same as it would have been if she had become “the” WoL, except she never met Papalymo and Yda in the Shroud so the job of saving the world went to someone else so to speak.

As the WoL, she would have still been married to her wife, but also in a relationship with Raubahn (and Y’shtola because it’s hard to imagine an AU where they’ve met more than once without ending up together later on).

2. Goddess AU, based on that meme from 2017. Honestly I haven’t developed it a lot but you can still find posts in her tags about it, I think. The more interesting thing about this AU imo is what it says about her in her canon-verse.

3. In Aïcha verse, as I’ve dubbed the version of the game story in which Aïcha’s the WoL, Inge is a Scion. They’ve met when Mother Miounne put them in touch with each other to go inside Tam-Tara and stayed friends after that. Inge wasn’t really up to leave the Twelveswood at first since she had work to do there but Aïcha’s insisted, and frankly Inge was just too happy to find someone that could keep up with her to resist for long. They’ve done most of the fights together, except for the events during 5.0 (Inge wasn’t called on the First) and I’m not entirely decided about the end of 6.0.

In this verse, she’s still married to her wife and she’s with Y’shtola.

People who’ve influenced them greatly - The Advocate

His mentor and father figure, who took him in after the death of his parents and taught him his trade (before watching him join the Temple Knights with a heavy heart and the constant fear of his death). He’s still his employer to this day and one of the rare few who have always known who was hidden beneath the helm of “The Advocate”.

Another one would be Ser Ompagne, who taught him the way of the Dark Knights. Had he not met him, I don’t think he would have managed to remain in control of himself for as long as he has. Ser Ompagne taught him how to reign in his anger and use it for the protection of others.

Thanks for the ask, @lookbluesoup!

[hoynovoy]

'Younger's Best Author Parodies, From Quinn Tyler To Edward L.L. Moore

New York media has been the backdrop for what feels like millions of TV shows about women chasing their dreams. But so few get it right. (I’ll never forget the series in which a magazine editor berates a writer, “You didn’t even leave space in this story for ads!” Which, for the uninitiated, is something an editor would never be concerned with.) But despite Younger’s outlandish premise — a rom-com about a 40-year-old woman passing for 26 — it’s become perhaps the most authentic show ever about the world of book publishing. Through seven seasons, it’s delivered plots that lived and died by the peculiar inner workings of publishing — and managed to make dishy twists out of inside-baseball stuff like bulk sales and imprint/parent company dynamics. Don’t tell anyone who worked on my own novel, but the jargon I tossed off in conversation? Hilary Duff taught me all of it.

The best part of Younger’s evolution into an industry love letter is its prescient author characters, who always feel ripped from the splashiest book world conversations. See: this season’s Greta Thunberg dupe, played to yellow-slickered perfection by Nadia Alexander. “She has our favorite name from Season 7,” writer and executive producer Dottie Zicklin tells Bustle. “Füpa Grünhoff. Her name wouldn’t clear [with the show’s lawyers] until the umlauts were added!”

Füpa is just the latest in the show’s list of standout faux scribes, whose spot-on plotlines were in part the work of the show’s anonymous publishing consultant, who helped guide the staff on the industry’s trends and conversations. We still can’t reveal his or her identity, but we did get to talk to the consultant — along with Younger creator Darren Star, Dottie Zicklin, and fellow executive producer and writer Eric Zicklin — to get the stories behind how the show’s most iconic fake authors came to life.

Season 1: Jane Krakowski as Annabelle Bancroft

Bancroft, played with nightmare-diva energy by the 30 Rock star, was based on Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell. Star famously made the series based on that book, so an homage to Bushnell — in the form of Bancroft’s iconic scenester who spends her book launch party smoking indoors and fixating on the size of the crowd — felt like a safe place to start testing author parodies. “I thought Jane was hilarious playing [a version] of my friend Candace,” Star says. “She really made me laugh.” Writer and executive producer Eric Zicklin adds: “We loved her double-bounce off the glass door most of all.” (Bancroft runs into the door while chasing her coke dealer. Twice.)

Season 2: Kobi Libii as Rob Olive

This caricature of John Green — complete with a soulful leather necklace — hit just as I realized I was reading books about dying teen lovers almost exclusively. Libii is perfectly troubled and self-serious as the bestseller workshopping a Fault in Our Stars-style YA romance with Hilary Duff’s Kelsey at lunch. (Ever the brilliant brainstormer, it’s Kelsey who comes up with the idea for a hospice prom.) “We learned the term ‘sick lit,’ and the genre seemed natural for Millennial Press’ readers,” Dottie Zicklin says. “Trying to say John Green” — aka the author of Fault — “without using the words ‘John’ or ‘Green’ led to a great name.” Long live Rob Olive.

Season 2: Justine Lupe as Jade Winslow

With Lupe’s flaky influencer character, Younger dipped into the hazards of traditional publishing chasing Instagram sensations — Winslow gets a huge memoir advance, then fails to deliver a single page of work. (Liza has to cobble together a draft from the girl’s Instagram captions.) “The younger Younger writers brought up Cat Marnell as inspiration,” Eric Zicklin says. Marnell, a former beauty editor and socialite, wrote the smash 2017 memoir How to Murder Your Lifeabout her drug addiction and magazine-world adventures. “That story led Kelsey and Liza into learning about the balance between hype and substance.”

Season 2: Richard Masur as Edward L.L. Moore

Between his aggressive rascalling around the office and his misogyny, the show’s George R.R. Martin homage became its best work in terms of authentic publishing tension holding up plotlines. Martin’s Crown of Kings fantasy series is key to Empirical staying afloat, so he gets away with — well, not murder, but making Liza wear a fur bikini in Times Square might actually be worse? It takes Empirical far too long to do the right thing and drop the author. (Right around the time Moore debuted on the show, publishing was scrambling to reckon with its own legacy of harassment.) And when they do, Moore strikes back, outing Liza as the 40-something she is. The writers didn’t know when they started writing the character’s arc that he would unpin the show’s central secret. “We had no idea how instrumental he would become in exposing Liza,” Star says. “But Richard Masur was so hilarious that I wanted to bring him back and back and back.”

Season 3: Jay Wilkison as Colin McNichol

Remember the guy who asked Kelsey at the end of their first date to take a look at his novel? Or did you try to forget you ever heard the chilling invitation, “Come on in, I’ll print you out a copy”? Ah, the perils of being a single girl presiding over New York’s hottest imprint. Kelsey actually dates Colin for a while anyway — his 600-page epic turns out to be good, by her measure — but it doesn’t stop the character from feeling It-Boy insufferable all the way through his arc. (Which includes Netflix jumping on the option for his book, naturally.) As for the trend that inspired Colin? The big-money debut epic that seemed to dominate publishing years ago — see books that scored massive paydays like The Art of Fielding or City on Fire — has subsided somewhat. But Younger’s publishing consultant says it’s never really gone. “I think there was a moment where books like that were happening more often, but it could still happen,” the consultant says. “Everyone knows attention spans are shrinking, but people still want to find that ‘It Book’ of the year.”

Season 4: Kristin Chenoweth as Marylynne Keller

Younger’s first episode in the post-Trump era featured Chenoweth as a Kellyanne Conway sendup who declares the world post-facts and claims that “Truth is a four-letter word.” (When Charles corrects her math, saying truth has five letters, she purrs: “Not the way I spell it.”) One trillion bonus points to costume design for the jacket that mirrors Conway’s inauguration outfit. “Not to say the show was ahead of the culture,” Dottie Zicklin jokes, “but when the national conversation became about Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer cajoling the truth, we felt like we were already on that topic. Liza was living it from episode one.”

Season 5: Gina Gershon as Chrissie Hart

If you had Patti Smith’s Just Kids and Chrissie Hynde’s Reckless on your rockstar memoir shelf, you were so ready for this plotline starring Gershon in heavy bangs and week-old eyeliner. She plays Chrissie Hart, a famous singer whose memoir Charles and Liza chase to Shelter Island. (Obviously, Chrissie Hart doesn’t email drafts, because the internet is suspect.) The head of a major publisher personally retrieving a manuscript, messenger-style? Zany but plausible, the show’s consultant confirms. “If anyone’s ever worked on celebrity books, they are their own beasts — totally fun and awful and amazing,” the consultant says. “You know what you’re in for, and yet we can’t help ourselves because they sell and they’re glamorous to work on.”

Season 6: Willa Fitzgerald as Audrey Colbert

Fitzgerald, um, kills it in this tribute to wink-wink-did-I-murder-someone-or-not books. Her character goes around shopping a memoir meant to refute her villain status on a Serial-like podcast; she’s chaperoned by Michael Urie’s Redmond. (The only lit agent in New York, according to Younger, but would I want Urie sharing screen time? I would not.) Fitzgerald’s dead-eyed smize is what gives this character her hall of fame status. As Dottie Zicklin says, “Willa was able to give that staredown that says ‘beware’ and ‘I might have sex with you right now.’” Eventually, though, a press outcry kills the project — totally realistic, according to the show’s consultant. “If you are dealing with someone who the public believes to be guilty, or unworthy of a book deal, that can bring a major backlash,” the consultant says. “See Jonathan Mattingly or Josh Hawley — and, years ago, O.J. Simpson.” Yeah, remember If I Did It? Unlike Beaufort Books, the shop behind that one, Empirical eventually declined to publish Colbert’s book.

Season 6-7: Laura Benanti as Quinn Tyler

Quinn is the one Younger author who’s transcended cameo status. Once a Sheryl Sandberg parody in a wiggle dress, she’s become a prolonged meditation on the subject of women doing it all. “To us, the key to Quinn was understanding that she’s just as smart and successful and impulsive, and just as tone-deaf, as any male billionaire,” Eric Zicklin says. This season, Quinn becomes much more than a villain with an endless font of ice-queen comebacks — proof that Younger is well versed in publishing’s golden rule: Never judge a book by its cover.

Get More Dating Advice Here

[gerec]

FIRST CHRISTMAS

I did not quite finish this in time for 2017, so here is my first ficlet for the New Year! From my arranged marriage ‘verse All of You and All of Me, where Charles is the 20-something Consort to Erik’s 40-something King of Genosha. 

Notes: Cherik, with mentions of Xavierine. No warnings, though there is a tiny bit of sex. Erik is Jewish so he doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but as king he readily supports the traditions of all of his people.

He wakes on Christmas morning alone, the spot beside him predictably empty, and already cool to the touch.

Though it’s not what gives Charles pause as he luxuriates in his comfortable bed; rather, it’s the conflicted emotions he’s experiencing now and on an almost daily basis, nearly a year after his arrival in Genosha and newly wed to its king.

His head feels a little groggy still from too much brandy, and his limbs ache deliciously from a night of passion, from hours of bliss in the arms of his patient lover. His time with Logan has eroded slowly these past months, with Charles’ duties as Consort increased along with his own desire to serve. It had surprised him, to fall in love so deeply with this bountiful land and its resilient people, aided in no small part by the trip he took with Erik to tour the country, and to see the beauty of Genosha up close.

And it had surprised him even more, to wake up one morning and find his feelings for Erik too irrevocably changed, so much that the early days of their union – filled with cold silences and awkward exchanges – seem now like a lifetime ago, and not mere months in the counting. If pressed, Charles might even concede to a real fondness for his mercurial mate, though whatever else he might feel is still too bewildering to examine in depth. 

Once it had seemed inconceivable, that he would ever become used to waking in his husband’s arms, nestled in his husband’s bed. That it would be Erik’s absence that would seem strange, weeks after the two were first forced to share chambers on the road; a habit that continued inexplicably upon their return to the palace.

Even more inconceivable that the merest specter of guilt should fall over the precious moments Charles spends with Logan, whom he yet loves with his whole heart.

A knock on the door interrupts his jumble of thoughts, dragging Charles further into consciousness as he props himself up on the bed. He grabs his crumpled night shirt off the floor and shrugs it hastily over his shoulders, grimacing when a cramp shoots unexpectedly up his left leg.  

“Come in.”

His discomfort must be have been clear, because Erik is stalking across the room and at his side in a flash, hands bracing him as he rubs gingerly at his calf. It does little to soothe the pain until Erik takes over, Charles’ leg across his lap as he seats himself on the bed, hands warm and sure as they work diligently to ease the tension.

“Better?” Erik asks, amusement evident at the reaction he garners, leveling him with a teasing grin. But Charles is unashamed of the moans being dragged from his lips, slowly relaxing against the pillows under Erik’s skillful hands. “Too much dancing with Raven last night?”

“Possibly,” he answers, ignoring the guilty twinge in his gut. It’s not a lie, not completely – Charles had spent the evening in the company of his sister and Logan, decorating the tree in his rooms and reminiscing over past Christmases at Graymalkin.  There had been singing and dancing, and too much drink; just enough to dull the homesickness that had flared painfully during his favorite time of year. And he had indulged greatly in the opportunity to be with Logan again, to kiss and touch and just be in each other’s company, knowing that his husband would be too busy to interrupt, celebrating his own traditions for the holidays. “I might have pulled a muscle trying to decorate the top of the Christmas tree.”

Erik laughs. “Perhaps I should have asked Reynard to grow you a smaller tree. It’s a good thing you didn’t fall and break a leg on Christmas Eve.”

He would not believe it still if he hadn’t seen the dazzling power for himself; a Gift that allowed one to control and grow plant life rapidly regardless of soil or climate. Reynard had used his power every year to grow the giant Christmas spruce that decorated the palace’s main entry way; this year, he had grown a second, much smaller version specifically for the Consort’s rooms at the King’s behest.

“No it’s perfect,” Charles replies, reaching instinctively for Erik’s hand and giving it a light squeeze. “I want to thank you again, for your kindness. I know you don’t celebrate Christmas yourself…you didn’t have to go to all the trouble of securing me my own tree, and decorations too. It means a lot.”

“I was happy to do it,” Erik says, his hand moving to cup Charles’ cheek. “I know that I haven’t always been the best husband to you—”

“No! You’ve been very generous; I have everything I need—”

“—but I mean to change that, Charles. Perhaps it’s still too soon but someday, I hope our union will become much more than an obligation to you.”

Charles shakes his head. “Erik, I don’t—”

His words are cut short by the press of Erik’s lips, a soft and insistent kiss that bypasses all of Charles’ defenses. More and more he finds himself unable to resist – to guard his emotions and keep them separate from their physical relationship. It’s become much too easy to fall into Erik’s arms and succumb to his touch; to lose himself in the burgeoning heat when he’s pressed gently down onto the bed.

“Erik,” he gasps, already hard from the feel of his husband’s body on top of him, caging him, holding him still. Their attraction to each other has always been intense, even from the first when they were two strangers on their wedding night, forced to share a bed. And time and familiarity has only enflamed their passion since, the sparks igniting red hot with the slightest touch, or a barely whispered name.

He moans then as Erik takes him in hand and strokes him, desire and lust coursing like liquid fire through his veins. Charles bucks and writhes and fucks into Erik’s hand, uncaring of the way he sounds – so wanton and needy, keening as Erik leaves teeth marks all over his skin. Too soon he’s spilling with a cry that Erik inhales hungrily, swallowing the sounds of pleasure tumbling from Charles’ gasping mouth.

“Do you intend to end all our discussions this way?” he pants, taking a few moments to catch his breath as Erik looks down at him with a grin. “And shall I respond to you in kind?”

“Later, if you’re amenable,” is the reply, and Charles arches like a cat against the warm palm stroking his cheek. “I have something to show you that I think you will enjoy very much.”

Charles laughs. “More enjoyable than just now?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Indulge me, all the same.”

He straightens with an exaggerated sigh, and lets Erik tug him carefully onto his feet. Still lax from his release he allows himself to be easily maneuvered, settling back against Erik’s chest as he’s angled towards the drapery covered windows.

“Is it still raining?” Charles teases. “Only, it’s been raining non-stop for the last three days, so I guess it would be quite a surprise if it’s finally stopped.”  

Surprisingly it’s the sub-tropical climate of Genosha that solidifies Charles’ yearning for home, with December falling in the midst of its hottest – and rainiest – season. He aches to be so far from wintery London situated half a world away, where his father and his friends must be attending Church services in the snow.

“It has stopped raining,” Erik whispers, his arms tightening just slightly around Charles’ waist. “Look.”

The heavy drapery pulls open with a flourish, tugged apart by the metal hidden in its seams. It reveals a sight that makes Charles gasp with disbelief; a blanket of white and the flutter of snowflakes falling steadily outside his bedroom window.

“What…how?”

“Ororo,” Erik explains, and Charles is so stunned that he has to take a step closer, and press his nose against the frosted glass. “I asked if she could change the weather for us, temporarily of course. And just over the palace grounds.”

Charles is speechless for long moments, his eyes drifting over the trees and the flowers, all covered in an inch of snow. For a moment he can pretend that he’s looking out his bedroom at Graymalkin, and the ache in his chest morphs into something dangerously close to...

“It’s beautiful,” he breathes, instead of following his thoughts down that treacherous path. “I can’t believe it. You brought me snow.”

“I know that you miss home,” Erik acknowledges, and Charles has to close his eyes at the painful sincerity in his voice. “I know it’s not the same thing; that I can’t really give you a snowy Christmas in London, or your father’s presence…”

Charles turns and wraps his arms around his husband, tugging him close. “No, this is…I don’t know how to tell you how much this means to me. I love it. Thank you, Erik.”

“You’re welcome,” Erik replies with a sigh, nuzzling his face in Charles’ still unruly hair. “I think, in the new year, we can make plans for a trip to London. To see your king, and pay a visit to the Admiral.”

And what else can Charles do then but kiss him? For giving Charles the very thing he’d wished for but could have never expected. “You’ve made me the happiest man in Genosha, Erik Lehnsherr.”

Erik smiles. “As you have with me, Charles.”

[chens-giggle]

Favourite Kpop Songs: Monsta X

I’m gonna do the same thing I did for my EXO version and choose my favourite song from each album! 

Trespass (2015) 

Favourite Song: One Love 

I just love the smooth chorus, it’s great. Body rolls for days, man. Interstellar is a strong second though, I like its energy BUT as whole song, the chorus isn’t my favourite. 

Rush (2015)

Favourite Song: Rush 

There’s just something about those weird distorted horn noises that just makes this song fun to listen to. I will always be in the mood for this song. Always. 

The Clan pt. 1 ‘LOST’ (2016) 

Favourite Song: Because Of U

It’s a nice lil groove to it. Though I think I’d like the bass guitar to be a bit more prominent, that’d make the song even better. 

The Clan pt. 2 ‘GUILTY’ (2016) 

Favourite Song: Fighter

This song is just amazing. The energy! It just gets me so pumped. Also, the whole sound of it is unlike a lot of kpop songs I’ve heard and I really wish Monsta X would do more songs like this. (Overall though I love pretty much every song on this album, like...White Love is so lovely and Blind is again a body roll song) 

The Clan pt. 2.5: The Final Chapter (2017)

Favourite Song: Need U & 5:14 (Last Page) 

I couldn’t choose :( I almost made this a three-way tie with All I Do but I  t h i n k  I ever so slightly prefer these songs. I love both of the choruses esp Need U, it’s so catchy! I prefer the verses for Need U over 5:14 tho. 

*This included the repackage with Shine Forever & Gravity. 

The Code (2017) 

Favourite Song: X

I love everything from the verses to the chorus. Especially the verses, they’re amazing. 

The Connect (2018)

Favourite Song: Destroyer. 

This song...goddamn. I love the tone/vibe of this, and Kihyun is just great in this song. AND THE GUITAR at the end of the chorus????? sign me the fuck UP. That is some good shit right there. It really makes the song. Jealousy is a close second cuz again, it’s got good energy to it. 

My #1 Monsta X Song: Fighter

Nothing can top this song.

(Praise for whoever directed this MV cuz there’s some cool shots in this) 

[lightoftruth]

The same folks to bring you "Abrahamism"—the idea that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are intricately connected—have narrowed their sights on promoting Mary, the mother of Christ, as "a Jewish, Christian and Muslim woman," in the words of Catholic priest Fr. Gian Matteo of the Pontifical International Marian Academy. In a ten-week webinar series titled "Mary, a model for faith and life for Christianity and Islam," the academy will seek to present Mary as a bridge between the two religions.This may be easier said than done — at least for those still interested in facts. For starters, the claim that Mary was a "Jewish, Christian and Muslim woman" is only two-thirds true: yes, she was a Jew by race and background; and yes, she was a Christian in that she literally birthed Christ(ianity); but she was most certainly not a Muslim — a term and religion that came into being 600 years after Mary died.Worse, far from being the Eternal Virgin, as she is for 1.5 billion Christians of the Catholic and Orthodox variety, Islam presents Mary, the Mother of Christ, as "married" to and "copulating" with Muhammad in paradise — a depiction that would seem to sever rather than build "bridges."In a hadith that was deemed reliable enough to be included in the renowned Ibn Kathir's corpus, Muhammad declared that "Allah will wed me in paradise to Mary, Daughter of Imran," whom Muslims identify with Jesus's mother. (Note: The Arabic word for "marriage" (نكاح, or nikah) denotes "legal sexual relations," connotes the "F" word, and is wholly devoid of Western, "romantic," or Platonic connotations.)Nor is this just some random, obscure hadith. None other than Dr. Salem Abdul Galil — previously deputy minister of Egypt's religious endowments for preaching — affirmed its canonicity in 2017 during a live televised Arabic-language program. Among other biblical women (Moses's sister and Pharaoh's wife), "our prophet Muhammad — prayers and be upon him — will be married to Mary in paradise," Galil said.If few Christians today know about this Islamic claim, medieval Christians living in Muslim-occupied nations were certainly aware of it. There, Muslims regularly threw this fantasy in the face of Catholic and Orthodox Christians who venerated Mary as the "Eternal Virgin." Thus, Eulogius of Cordoba, an indigenous Christian of Muslim-occupied Spain, once wrote, "I will not repeat the sacrilege which that impure dog [Muhammad] dared proffer about the Blessed Virgin, Queen of the World, holy mother of our venerable Lord and Savior. He claimed that in the next world he would deflower her."As usual, it was Eulogius's offensive words about Muhammad — and not the latter's offensive words about Mary and any number of other things — that had dire consequences: he, as well as many other Spanish Christians vociferously critical of Muhammad, were found guilty of speaking against Islam and publicly tortured and executed in "Golden Age" Cordoba in 859.One expects that all of these "inconvenient" facts will be quietly passed over during the Pontifical International Marian Academy's webinars. And if they are raised, no doubt Christians will somehow take the blame, as almost always happens in academic settings. As one example, after quoting Eulogius's aforementioned lament against Muhammad's claim of being married to Mary, John V. Tolan, a professor and member of Academia Europaea, denounced it as an "outrageous claim" of Eulogius's own "invention." He then railed against the martyr — not against his murderers or their prophet:Eulogius fabricates lies designed to shock his Christian reader. This way, even those elements of Islam that resemble Christianity (such as reverence of Jesus and his virgin mother) are deformed and blackened, so as to prevent the Christian from admiring anything about the Muslim other. The goal is to inspire hatred for the "oppressors[.]" ... Eulogius sets out to show that the Muslim is not a friend but a potential rapist of Christ's virgins. (Saracens: Islam in the Medieval European Imagination, p.93)As already seen, however, it is Muhammad himself — not any "Christian polemicist" — who "fabricates lies designed to shock," namely that Mary will be his eternal concubine.This, incidentally, is the main problem the purveyors of Abrahamism fail to acknowledge: Islam does not treat biblical characters the way Christianity does.Christians accept the text of the Hebrew Bible, or Old Testament, as it is. They do not add, take away, or distort the accounts of the patriarchs that Jews also rely on. Conversely, while also relying on the figures of the Old and New Testaments — primarily for the weight of antiquity and authority attached to their names — Islam completely recasts them with different attributes that reaffirm Muhammad's religion as the one true and final "revelation," as opposed to Judaism and Christianity, whose biblical accounts on these figures are then seen as "distorted" because they are different from Islam's later revisions.Far from creating "commonalities," it should be clear that such appropriation creates conflict. By way of analogy, imagine that you have a grandfather whom you are particularly fond of, and out of the blue, a stranger who never even met your grandfather says: "Hey, that's my grandfather!" Then — lest you think this stranger is somehow trying to become your friend — he adds: "And everything you thought you knew about grandpa is wrong! Only I have his true life story."Would that create a "bridge" between you and this stranger who is trying to appropriate and recast the image of your grandfather?

It is common knowledge that the genealogies contained in Matthew and Luke differ. Most conservative Bible commentators explain the difference by holding that Jesus’ genealogy in Matthew 1:1–16 is traced through Joseph’s line to show Jesus’ royal right to the Davidic throne; correspondingly, the genealogy in Luke 3:23–38 traces Jesus’ ancestry through Mary’s line. This means that Mary’s lineage is recorded in the Gospel of Luke. Mary’s lineage, as recorded by Luke, does not mention Mary, but that’s to be expected—including women’s names in genealogies was not standard practice. It begins this way: “[Jesus] was the son, so it was thought, of Joseph, the son of Heli” (Luke 3:23). This comment affirms the truth of Jesus’ virgin birth (see Luke 1:29–38). Joseph was a “son” of Heli by virtue of his marriage to Mary, who would have been the daughter of Heli (Matthew 1:16 lists Joseph’s biological father as Jacob). Some notable points in Mary’s lineage are that she was a descendant of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (Luke 3:34); she was specifically of the tribe of Judah (verse 33). She was also a descendant of Boaz (verse 32) and David (verse 31). Significantly, Luke traces Mary’s lineage all the way back to Adam (verse 38). This fits with Luke’s purpose as he wrote to Gentiles and emphasized that Jesus is the Son of God who came to save all people (cf. Luke 2:10–11). Another issue relating to Mary’s lineage is her relation to Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist. Luke says that Mary was related to Elizabeth, who was in the tribe of Levi (Luke 1:5, 36). An argument sometimes put forward by those who deny the credentials of Christ is that, if Mary was Elizabeth’s “cousin,” then Mary must also have been a Levite. Some translations, such as the KJV, do state that Mary was the “cousin” of Elizabeth (Luke 1:36). However, the English word cousin does not have to imply a close relation, and other versions of the Bible translate the word as “relative” (NKJV, ESV, CSB, BSB). Even if Elizabeth and Mary were close relatives, it was still possible for them to be of different tribes, as women were identified with their father’s tribe, not their mother’s. Elizabeth’s father was a Levite, making her a Levite by birth, but her mother may have been of Judah. Conversely, Mary’s mother may have been a Levite and kin to Elizabeth’s family, while Mary’s father was of Judah. Luke’s genealogy shows that Heli, whom we assume to be Mary’s father, was a direct descendant of Judah, not Levi. In addition, the angel Gabriel affirmed Jesus’ Judean lineage, telling Mary that “he will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David” (Luke 1:32, NLT). David was of the tribe of Judah. Regardless of Mary’s specific lineage, that Jesus is a descendant of David and Judah is beyond doubt. Other Bible verses also point to the fact of Judah being the tribe of Jesus’ heritage, as the rightful Messiah and Savior of all (Hebrews 7:14; Revelation 5:5).

[earwaxinggibbous]

10 Songs that make Love/Sex Sound Like No Fun

Happy Vagina Day! I mean Happy Valentines Day!

[wipes brow]

What do you mean it’s the 15th???

Valentines Day has always been my least favorite holiday, even now when I can actually appreciate it as a taken man. I was never a very romantic person, as hard as I try, and a lot of the gushy crap forced down our throats around February is akin to being buttfucked with a tree branch. It’s like walking into a store and all of the workers are talking in uwu-speak.

Hewwo wewcome to Gwistedes dat wiww be 20 dowwaws! Cash oah cwedit?

But if February is good for one thing aside from overcoming your Winter Break Hangover, as a song critic, it’s a good time to talk about love songs. (And fuck songs, ‘cause there’s a lot of those.) But talking about songs that actually bring out powerful romantic feelings is absolutely no fun, because like I said, I’m not a romantic man. Wouldn’t it be much more fun to find love and sex songs that make the acts seem... really, really lame? So that’s what we’re doing.

Keep in mind that I don’t know every song on the planet, in fact, my scope is actually a very small, strange corner of the musical world. So if you have your own list, feel free to put it together and show me if you want! Go crazy.

Honorable mentions go to any songs that aren’t actually intended to be romantic or sexy. Stuff like The Nine Inch Nails’ Closer. Or Eminem’s Kim. If that’s your idea of love, well... you do you I guess. There’ll be more honorables later.

Nuuuumber 10!

Closer - The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey

I personally believe both of the artists involved in this are more sexually weak than Kevin from F is for Family. (And if you’ve watched the whole series you know exactly what I’m talking about. Also hit me the fuck up, I need someone to fanboy over that shit with.)

I like Halsey. I don’t think she’s amazing or anything. Oftentimes I feel like her greatest flaw as an artist is that she wants to do three things at once: Appeal to internet people who like stuff like Marina and Lana del Rey (eg. Colors), appeal to a mainstream that just likes regular easy-listening pop music (eg. New Americana), and also just do her own thing and talk about her own experiences (eg. Control and Gasoline). These things don’t really work that well together at times. New Americana is one of those times, I hate that song. Closer is another one of those times.

The Chainsmokers kind of improved by 2017, but for awhile they were putting out soulless crap like Don’t Let Me Down with all the excitement of a party that only consists of art students. Closer is also lame. But more than that it shows me two things: The first being that Andrew Taggart is an asshole, and the second being that the Chainsmokers don’t know how to write women and even Halsey’s halfway-decent voice and attempts at emotion can’t really fix it.

“Hey, I drink a lot. But everything was fine before we started dating, so it must be YOUR fault!”

Part of me almost feels like Taggart just really wants to fuck Halsey and so he wrote this song as an excuse, like it’s essentially the expensive version of a self-insert fanfic. 

If the Chainsmokers are good at one thing, it’s lyrical detail. It worked in their favor in Paris, which is a song that I actually really love. All of the tiny details worked into it paint an insanely vivid picture of these two rich kids basically having some kind of one-night stand.

In Closer it does the complete opposite. I have a hard time believing that there’s any thought less sexy than fucking in the backseat of a range rover with a mattress in the trunk that belonged to your roommate, and they probably masturbated on it and how do you even have this car if you can’t afford it? Or is Taggart just being fucking presumptuous? Dammit, man.

Halsey plays this really pathetic character who left Taggart’s character based on looks alone, and is now regretting it because I guess the endless sexual draw of the weird long-headed guy from the Chainsmokers would make anyone change their mind. It paints Halsey’s character as pathetic, and that’s a character I have absolutely never wanted to see her play. Because her personality as a singer is kind of thin. When she’s playing a character who is aggressive and violently emotional, it works, but when in a role like this it feels like misuse of her actual talent. Kind of equivalent to when they got Eminem on that strip club song Shake That.

(He don’t get it. You don’t get it. And most of all, I don’t get it.)

Frankly, Halsey’s strengths (”specific yet vague” emotional detail) don’t play off well with the Chainsmokers’ strengths. (detailed scenery to piece together vague stories) These two should never have gotten together. Frankly, they shouldn’t have even tried,

Numéro Neuf

You Was Right - Lil Uzi Vert

His face is so weird. It’s just so weird.

I have a kind of odd love of Lil Uzi Vert, despite the fact I’ve only heard one song that I really liked. (XO Tour Lif3, for the record.) I feel like he has a creative energy that most artists in pop are missing, but he’s really, REALLY not using it to his advantage. A lot of his songs are just kind of... nothing. 

You Was Right is one of those hits that was so early in 2017, my brain keeps telling me it was a 2016 hit. It was also Uzi’s first platinum single. It’s an okay song musically. Not that interesting. Beat kind of sounds like it was bumped from Wicked, which is not helped by the fact that Metro Boomin’ was involved in both songs. But lyrically, this song is... weird and confusing.

The basic plot makes sense: Lil Uzi’s character in this song feels bad after cheating on his girlfriend, and he wishes he could turn back time and stop himself from doing so. But man. This song makes the idea of a relationship with Lil Uzi sound like way more trouble than it’s worth.

I bet you’re asking me: “Panda, is this line accompanied by the most obnoxious eye-roll possible in the music video?”

Yes. Yes it is.

Yep, that’s right. Lil Uzi is feeling guilty, and wishes he’d never taken this girl home, and--

Uzi stop.

You should’ve just not. Done anything. Because you have a girlfriend. You shouldn’t have boned, you should’ve gone home and boned your girlfriend, dammit Lil Uzi. Let me like you, you bastard.

The reason this isn’t any higher is because I at least feel like Uzi has some kind of love for his girlfriend. As the second line indicates that the moment he saw his girlfriend, he immediately passed by some other woman to hit her up. But still...

I THINK YOU KIND OF DID WRECK HER. YOU FUCKED A GROUPIE, MAN.

This whole verse is just funny I have no explanation. Like. You’re in the same room, but because the door is locked, even though... you’re in the same room? You can’t talk? But she’s actually in the bathroom. And Uzi needs to take a piss, so he’s basically just forcing some romantic lovey-dovey crap, like babe I wanna caress you, I’m seriously gonna wreck the carpet right now, can we just move on from this.

But here’s the best/worst line, in my humble onion:

1. What does this have to do with anything,

2. He’s gonna fuck your sister and then kill her if you talk shit, I guess. So to my sister, I am very sorry.

I think Uzi improved on conveying emotion in his next album, or at least with the big single XO Tour Lif3, which I’ll defend until I’m dead. But as for You Was Right, well... he was wrong.

Número Ochoooooo!

Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran

Did you wanna fuck Ed Sheeran?

NO?

TOO BAD.

Ed Sheeran is a musician I enjoy purely for the purpose of mocking him. While he does, now and then, drop a good single like Don’t, Sing or Castle on the Hill, oftentimes he exudes only one thing:

PERPETUAL VIRGINITY!

Maybe it’s because of his voice. Or maybe it’s because he looks like a high schooler who hit puberty too late. Maybe it’s because I have THIS picture of him saved to my computer:

Look at him. Look at his fucking face.

He just exudes involuntary celibacy. Not like the reddit “hurgh durgh FEMOIDS” kind, just like. The “sees a naked boob and passes out bleeding like an anime character” kind.

Look at his fucking face. He looks like he’s not sure how to hold a woman’s hand. He looks like he doesn’t even know what it is. I don’t know how I’m expected to recognize Ed Sheeran as a sexually active man. The weird dinky three-tone beat ripped straight from Sia’s Cheap Thrills and pretty much every Rihanna song ever, namely Work, doesn’t help in the slightest. Because here’s the thing: Work and Cheap Thrills are not sex songs. If anything, they’re songs about the lower class and their struggles. No fucking required, unless you count Drake’s verse on Work.

Shape Of You is a sex song. And it’s about as sexy as wedging your dick in a paper bag.

It’s like it was supposed to be a romantic sex song, but the vibe I’m getting is a teenage boy up in your DMs asking (admittedly politely) for titty pics. 

He’s in love with the shape of you. Just your outline. Your contour. Like that one episode of Ed Edd ‘n Eddy where Jimmy somehow gets his linework stolen and has to be kept in a blender? He wouldn’t fuck a lady like that. You gotta have a... shape. Square. Circle. 

RECTANGLE GIRLS OF THE WORLD

This isn’t helping the whole “virginal loser” thing for the record.

The verses try to be more romantic, and totally fail at it because let’s be honest, if Ed Sheeran took me to an all-you-can-eat buffet on our first date, I’d probably kill him. McDonald’s is even preferable. I guess it’s also technically more expensive if you want seconds, but like... everyone there is probably sweaty... and the food usually looks really gross. Sometimes you have mashed potatoes in the steak bucket and it just completely ruins your day.

Ed’s wispy delivery really doesn’t help, as he has all the sexual energy of a castrated Charlie Puth. He’s not crazy. He does not fit the radio definition of “crazy”. He’s the musician that I just see the least as one who fucks. Puth gets more pussy. The ICP get more pussy. Meghan Trainor probably fucks more than he does, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was some kind of otherworldly plant being that reproduces via budding. 

Also I’d feel bad if I didn’t mention the video, which is literally, no joke, the video for Maroon 5′s One More Night. You know, where the lead singer becomes a badass boxer who punches shit. Now I’ll probably drop my feelings towards Maroon 5 with more detail in the future, but in short, I actually enjoy most of their singles. One More Night is a fun song in my opinion, not high art or anything, but I like it. Adam’s falsetto doesn’t bug me as much as other people. I’d prefer him singing in a high pitch than, say, Swae Lee.

(Dammit Swae, let me love you, you bastard.)

But see, I actually also prefer the VIDEO for One More Night. For two big reasons.

1. Adam Levine is at least a little more threatening than Ed Sheeran. Remember how fucking goofy Animals was BECAUSE Adam was singing it? Imagine if Ed was on that track. It’d be ridiculous.

and

2. One More Night was a song about how his relationship with his girlfriend basically feels like a warzone. The violence in the music video was, at some level, metaphorical. In Shape Of You it doesn’t have any emotional or symbolic relevance, so I just have to take at face-value that Ed Sheeran is a boxer, and...

That’s just not happening.

Numerum VII!

Blurred Lines - Robin Thicke ft. Pharrell and T.I.

This would easily be higher up if not for the fact that, on the most technical level, it’s a joke song.

Bet you didn’t know that.

Yeah, the joke here is that these three are singing this ridiculous sex jam despite in real life all being happily married men (or at least were at the time this song came out, Robin’s wife promptly dropped him as soon as this album fell into our collective hands) who are way past their prime when it comes to flirting with chicks at the club. Also, Pharrell looks like an alien.

I’m not gonna extend this too much, as everyone’s already riffed on Blurred Lines more than we’ve probably riffed on other socially questionable songs like U.O.E.N.O. or Treat You Better. But this song sounds like it... COULD BE about sexual assault?

I’ll be fair and say that I don’t think this is straight-up a rape song. Because the thing is that it’s not actually about sex, it’s about picking up girls. But Robin’s approach is so slimy and gross that I’d honestly prefer, very specifically, to re-enact that one scene from The Simpsons’ Cape Feare where they drive through a bunch of cacti with Sideshow Bob hanging on the bottom of the car, and I’m Sideshow Bob, but facing the ground with my dick out, so it slides through the cactus like a sad, sad little pool noodle full of thumbtacks.

On one hand, there’s implications of attempting to get consent, and on the other hand, there’s also discussion of whether or not he’s actually GETTING consent or not. Maybe it’d work if Robin Thicke had more swagger to his personality, and if they removed all the stuff about “blurred lines”, it’d be less suspicious. But even then it’d still sound like a /r/niceguy trying to convince a girl that she WANTS to fuck him.

Once again I’d like to mention the video real quick, specifically the alternate version.

The topless version somehow makes it even LESS sexy. When the women were clothed, it definitely gave more of a vibe of “cheeky girl at a bar playing hard to get”, but once you have a bunch of topless chicks running around looking unhappy and bored, it reads more as... “harem sex dungeon”.

Not much else to say, really. Other than that Miley Cyrus has horrible taste in men.

Even you can do better, Miley.

Nummer Sechs!

The Hills - The Weeknd

The Hills is about as sexy as getting the bottom half of my body lost in the void while prime minister Shinzo Abe projectile vomits onto my face.

I actually like this song. But it doesn’t sound like sex. At all.

It does sound like a good horror movie soundtrack, which I guess...

I guess at least this line would make sense if it was?

Everything about this song kind of punches you. The beat punches you and the tune punches you and it’s really really loud. Literally everything about this song fits together EXCEPT THE PREMISE. This is, from what I can gather, a song about some dark spooky sex machine who’s helping a girl cheat on her boyfriend, but doesn’t really care because his drug problem or something is more important to him. And nothing fits with it.

Say what you want about Earned It, it sounds like a sex song. Maybe I’ll discuss that song in the future, but while Earned It creates the vibe of some sort of expensive Blank Space-esque rich guy mansion with a sexual twist, The Hills sounds more like... an explosion in a really dark place. Even the video works for the sound more than it works for the premise. Frankly, if this had been a song about a break-up or being sent to prison or something, I’d totally buy it. The Weeknd’s warbling baby voice can convey suffering more than it can convey sex.

The best way I can explain this is...

Imagine if Rolex was backed by the ending track from A Serbian Film. That’s the tonal problem we’re talking here.

Though lyrically, The Hills isn’t high art either.

Bragging about erectile dysfunction: Counting this and Young Thug’s Lifestyle, I guess we can call this a theme now. I hate it. Also, Weeknd rhymes “simple” with “simple”. And the fact that this is a fuckjam makes the title drop of The Hills Have Eyes even more questionable. I’d honestly rather hear a sex song based on Cannibal Holocaust.

Also, fun fact, this song has a remix featuring Eminem. Fucking EMINEM. That is the least sexy rapper you could have picked. You could have chosen anyone for your sex song, and you picked the man responsible for such classic sensual love songs as Stan and Just Lose It.

Dear Weeknd, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’...

Still a song I like. Just... pretend it’s not about boning.

Numero Cinque!

Bad Things - Machine Gun Kelly ft. Camila Cabello

I debated deep in my heart as to whether or not I could, in good taste, put this song on the list. Because I really shouldn’t expect a whole lot from ex-Fifth Harmony member as well as the only Fifth Harmony member anyone knows the name of, Camila Cabello, as well as this weirdo Machine Gun Kelly, who looks like a very failed attempt to clone Macklemore.

But then I read this.

Wait, this is a love song?

I thought it was just... about like, fucking.

ALSO WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAMPLE OUT OF MY HEAD IN A LOVE SONG.

And most importantly, and much less aggressively, why does this song sound like it’s about, like... abuse.

Like, yeah. You’re- you’re giving each other scars. And guess what! This is actually edited.

Somehow the edit makes it both better and worse. Because on one hand, like, bruises usually sounds like more of an abuse thing. When I think of an abuse victim I see bruises. But, also, scars are... technically a bigger deal? Bruises go away. If you’re scarring up your SO, then you have some serious issues. And MGK’s uninterested delivery makes it way worse, as well as the Fastball sample that is from a song about hurting your lover. Which kind of sounds, uh, a lot like... what’s going on here.

And, uh, I guess you could argue they’re in a really intense BDSM relationship? I guess Camila seems pretty into it, and not really in like, a Stockholm Syndrome way. But the other thing that takes up a good chunk of this song is the comparison between drug dependence and romance.

Which really doesn’t help?

Like drugs aren’t a good thing. Honestly I feel like Kesha using this metaphor was a sign of things to come considering what happened to her in 2017. Because, here’s a crazy thought, drugs may be addictive... but they also hurt you.

Like an abusive partnerokay we’re moving on sorry.

Numero Neljä!

Treat You Better - Shawn Mendes

Oh hey, I like, just mentioned this one.

Honestly, Kodak Black’s Side N**** would’ve taken this spot, except that I don’t wanna think about Kodak Black. Ever. So you get the whiter version of it.

Treat You Better is another one of those songs that makes the idea of dating the singer sound insanely unappealing. But unlike You Was Right above, Treat You Better has next to no self-awareness.

I’ll admit that I don’t really hate Shawn Mendes. I actually like Stitches, the tune is nice enough and regardless of how you feel about this apparently 6′2 tower of twink flesh, you can’t really argue that he hasn’t got a decent set of pipes on him. 

But damn if his songwriters aren’t trying to sour my opinion of him at every turn.

If this were an actual review, I’d complain about how the backing guitar sounds exactly LIKE Stitches, but the problems arise in the lyrics, and the way the video plays off of the lyrics.

oh wait excuse me

Alright sorry.

But in case you can’t tell, Treat You Better is basically a niceguy anthem. I mean, when I read the title I thought it was like the earlier-mentioned Fastball’s Out Of My Head or Hoobastoobaskeeboodidillybaboobastank’s The Reason where the male singer does some nonspecific bad thing to their SO and vows to be better in the future. You know, like--

(YAH... HUH... I PROMISE TO, UH... BE BETTER... YIEAH...)

But no, actually. Treat You Better is more equivalent to Daya’s Hide Away, which you could honestly consider as on this list in the exact same spot because they’re basically the same song.

I suspect the reason nobody wants to date Daya is because she dresses like Heather Chandler in the 2018 Heathers remake.

I also suspect her and Shawn would absolutely love one another’s company. 

To be absolutely fair, neither of these songs take the stance that real life nicefolk take, because it’d make them look absolutely insufferable. The big reason I chose Treat You Better over Hide Away for this list is that the video tries to imply that Shawn’s object of attraction is being abused by her current boyfriend. Which I guess makes sense, but...

I love how the combination of the song and the video essentially imply that Shawn’s got this ladyfriend who’s being beaten to shit by her boyfriend and his only response is man, this is why you should’ve dated me instead! I would be WAY better to you than that guy!

Instead of, you know.

This guy is seriously terrible to you and I’m calling the police.

Or better yet!

Kill him.

Also this girl’s just not... a very good actress. I’m not asking for a Hollywood performance, just, you know. Some kind of expression other than “mild disinterest” when you’re about to get your shit kicked in would be nice.

Really the big issue is that, regardless of whether or not we’re supposed to see the girl as an abuse victim, Shawn will forever see himself as the victim. Which means it’s either

A. Some dildo victimizing himself because his best friend is a taken woman and he wants to Betta in her Dannygans.

or B. Some dildo victimizing himself because his best friend is in an abusive relationship... and he wants to Betta in her Dannygans.

So either way, Shawn Mendes’ greatest worry isn’t your safety, or if you’re happy in your current relationship, his one worry is getting his spindly little baby-soft white boy hands into your undies. And frankly, I just don’t need that in my life!

the third one

Honey I’m Good - Andy Grammar

How much do you wanna bet all these couples broke up/got divorced after featuring in this thing? 

I labored over how this one matched up with #2, but decided it was at least making some sad, sad attempt to promote faithfulness in couples. See the plot of this song written by Andy Grammar, who I’m assuming is a one-hit wonder because I’d certainly never heard of him until this song came out, is stated very clearly:

I think the best part about this is the way it’s worded. “I gotta be like oh baby, nah baby” makes him sound so annoyed. Like, “Ugh, I wanna bone you, but I wanna be nice to my wife or whatever, so I GUESS I’ll turn you down... Sigh...”

So this is essentially a self-fellating anthem congratulating Andy’s character for not cheating on his wife. Because, as he says,

“Yeah, babe, better men than me have cheated on their wives, so it’d be totally fine if I DID, but I’m such a Nice Dude that I won’t do it. For my wife. Smooch.”

One could argue that he’s supposed to be drunk, but let’s be real here: Being drunk doesn’t make you lie. If anything, it makes you more honest. Booze is a truth serum. Now if he had just gotten out of dental care after getting his wisdom teeth pulled and his hot lady dentist was trying to flirt with him, maybe I could imagine it making sense.

And once again, the Devil’s Advocate could say, “well if he’s being honest, then this shouldn’t be a problem, he’s faithful to his wife”, but the thing is that he’s not even totally drunk yet.

Translation: If I have another drink, I’ll be so boozed up that my honest feelings will make me want to fuck that ass.

He’s tipsy at best, which is why he’d admit to considering this at all, but if he were more drunk he’d totally fuck this assumedly more attractive woman. So for all we know he’ll go back to the club tomorrow, have one too many, and considering how well this stupid song did, he’d throw enough money at the next Cambodian prostitute he runs into to buy her a mansion.

The congratulatory tone to the music doesn’t really help, it really does feel like Grammar is sucking himself off for having the “willpower” to not be a completely terrible person. The only thing that makes it even more hilariously sad is the video of elderly couples lip-syncing to it, all the while holding up signs or wearing shirts that say how many years they’ve been together. It’s as if they’re bragging about how their marriage is bound to last way longer than the marriage in the song.

“Mildred, do you promise not to bone a random guy at the bar when I’m home?” “Only if you promise not to do that either, you rascal you.”

For all I know, Andy Grammar’s a great guy! But with only this song to go by, I’m obligated to assume that he’s a complete dildo who wears a mask of faux-Southern charm when he’s sober and avoids getting drunk so that mask doesn’t shloff off of his face like he’s a juggalo at the official sprinkler festival.

The weirdest part of this to me is that this song is so catchy we actually fell for it, if only for awhile. And its happy tone kind of makes you forget the lyrics. I almost feel like that was intentional. Like, his producers looked at the lyrics and just said, “Boys, let’s fix this shit.” It’s not even good production, it’s just really catchy! Fuck!

All in all, Honey I’m Good is about as romantic as listening to my parents argue at 12 in the morning. Not only is there no reason Andy Grammar deserves any congrats on his mediocre “feat”, but he really doesn’t seem to love his wife that much, if a shot of tequila and a scantily-clad cokewhore is enough to wreck his faith.

Numbah TWOOOOO!

What The Hell - Avril Lavigne

I’d honestly argue that Avril Lavigne’s character as a singer is equally sociopathic to that of Taylor Swift and Cher Lloyd. I feel like after Hello Kitty slaughtered her reputation and career forever, we kind of forgot how genuinely terrifying she was. She’s like every horrible thing about being a teenager squeezed into one person who’s way too old to be pretending to be a teenager. I mean, look at Girlfriend. The only thing more terrifying than Girlfriend is, well, What The Hell. 

Because, you know. That’s not a problem or anything.

Rather than the obsessive character from Girlfriend, Avril in this song is the complete opposite. She doesn’t make connections with anybody, and when she’s sick of a relationship, she’ll move onto her boyfriend’s friends, strangers, fans, non-fans, parents, teachers, Todd Howard, etcetera. So she’ll go around macking on anything she wants and then have blase, slightly annoyed reaction when her boyfriend is completely horrified by it.

(This? This is my greatest fear.)

Her disinterest really comes out in the lyrics, and her sales pitch is, basically, this is just who I am and you should fuck me even if you don’t like it. Especially since, while I hate to be the guy who says it, if this was a song by a guy, everyone would fucking hate it. I actually don’t mind the beat or the tune, honestly, I listen to this song sometimes when I’m out of music that rises above the bar of “guilty pleasure”. That almost makes this worse. Everything is delivered with the disinterest of a Future verse, as if this is just a normal thing, and looking back imagining middle school me singing along to this is pretty fucked. 

Not that I really blame this for any kind of influence on children. Honestly I don’t think anyone was really listening to the lyrics, they were just having fun. It’s fun! That’s pretty messed up.

By the way, I think this bit on the bridge says a lot about Avril as a writer (and maybe even as a person):

I love the assumption that this guy is still devoted to her after she has cheated on him and shown no remorse whatsoever. Why would he really want her back? Personally I’d say something along the lines of “fuck you, bitch, go get syphilis somewhere where it can’t be transferred to me.” Bye bye!

Really, though, the more Avril Lavigne tried to lean into her teen rebellion phase, the more I realized how old she was. And as she got older, and tried to be more rebellious, it became less endearing and more sociopathic. Maybe she’s a really nice person, but at the same time, to write a song like this, I can’t really tell. Especially when THIS is how she describes it:

Avril, you read the lyrics, right? Of course you did, you sang it. Jesus, lady.

Well, before we move onto the big weiner, let’s talk honorable mentions!

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

Surprised that Taylor didn’t make it on here? It came down to the wire, but in the end, the concept of screwing in a pile of jizzy sheets in a range rover bumped this one off the list. Still, though, Taylor’s attempts to be “relatable” end up making her sound desperate. And also Taylor’s pre-existing ideas of why she’s “better” for him than this other girl kinda remind me of...

Hide Away - Daya

I almost wish I had found space for this song since I hate it so much. But really my biggest problem with it is that Daya sings like a rubber goose and that, of course, the nicegirl/niceguy mentality needs to die and people like Daya are perpetuating it.

Don’t Wanna Know - Maroon 5 ft. Kendrick Lamar

Yikes, dude. Just... yikes.

Marvin Gaye - Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor

Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor are two beacons of sexlessness and this song does Marvin Gaye a disservice. The only reason I left it off is because it’s honestly been discussed to death, I’m almost like, tired of hearing about it. 

Side N**** - Kodak Black

This isn’t even a niceguy song, it’s literally “you should date me because I’ll shoot you and your man if you don’t”. I’d have loved to make space for it, but I don’t even want to listen to this song in full, or talk about this guy. At this point Kodak Black is keeping the fire lit with controversy. I’d like to just dump water on it.

NUMBER ONE!

Sigh. This one’s obvious enough.

Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainor ft. Satan, probably

Sometimes you just gotta throw your hands up and say STOP, MEGHAN! STOP!

STOP!

Meghan Trainor is an artist who I actually do understand the appeal of: She appeals to white feminist teenage girls and soccer moms that still read Twilight even though their daughters are long since over it. But, sadly, that’s two demographics of people I hate, and  thus, I find myself hating everything Meghan Trainor puts out. The only remotely passable single I remember by her was Lips Are Moving. Dear Future Husband isn’t even my least favorite fucking Meghan Trainor song. (It’d probably be No, if I had to pick.) But god, if this song isn’t just... oof.

Let’s get the shoehorned feminist message out of the way:

We know you have a job, nobody’s expecting you to cook, why would you bake pies all day, who needs that many pies, no you can’t write a hook, and these views are insanely outdated for anyone who doesn’t have a Return of Kings account. So great, you have a job and can’t cook. Cool. That’s a thing with a lot of people.

Honestly the insistence that she “deserves it” even though she makes no attempt to prove herself a good wife aside from saying she’ll buy you groceries and fuck you sometimes. This song kind of lays on the assumption that you’ll do literally anything because, duh, she’s famous musician Meghan Trainor, and if you don’t do these things, YOU JUST HATE FAT GIRLS.

(Mary Lambert never pulls this shit. And she weighs more than the gold toilet you use, while you’re using it, MEGHAN.)

Honestly though, listening to Meghan Trainor songs just kind of turn me into that obnoxious guy on 4chan who unironically uses the term “feminazi” in 2018. Because really, she fits every feminist stereotype in existence, and she never says anything of any worth.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way--

Acting crazy... how?

Do we mean like, Ren & Stimpy crazy, or Avril Lavigne crazy?

Because I’m terrified it’s the latter.

Meghan kind of talks about her theoretical future husband like he’s a dog, or some other kind of animal that does badass tricks. Essentially obligating him to constantly do what she wants, when she wants it, and never disagree with her even if she’s in the wrong, because then she MIGHT fuck him. Or, uh, excuse me,

Some KISSES! :D

You like KISSES, don’t you? Who’s a good boy? WHO’S A GOOD BOY? IT’S YOU! YOU’RE A GOOD BOY!

...

[clears throat]

It doesn’t help that this song is, essentially, just a list of requests and things this guy has to do. So while Meghan can do whatever she wants, her husband is still required to do the traditionalist romance crap like buy her things, lose every argument, hold doors, accept potential insanity, and be “classy”.

Honestly, don’t let Daya and Meghan Trainor do a single together. I think the pain of hearing it will overtake my body. Like that forcible body-wracking feeling you get when you dry heave.

The best part being that I haven’t even touched on the worst line.

So like, ignoring all of the other shit, if a girlfriend or potential wife said this to me, I’d jump ship. Like, controlling every other aspect of your life wasn’t enough, she also gets to decide what people you see! So if she doesn’t really like your good friend John, then he’s banned from this house forever. And forget about seeing your grandpa. She doesn’t care if he has cancer! You fucking MISOGYNIST PIG! LOVE YOUR WIFE!

Urgh. Of course the song that combines the insanity of What The Hell with the me-me-me attitude of Treat You Better and the bored lack of emotional connection in You Was Right would top this list. I’m glad Meghan Trainor killed her own career in 2016, because I don’t think I’d be able to handle another year of these shitty faux-feminist throwback jams. Thanks, Me Too!

If I was you, I’d wanna anyone besides me, too!

Also, if anyone’s curious about ratings I’d give these, here you go.

10 - 2/5 stars. Not good enough to be mediocre.

9 - 1.5/5 stars, mostly because Lil Uzi can do better, which is half a saving grace and half a detriment.

8 - 1/5 stars. Ech.

7 - 2/5 stars. I’ll admit the Blurred Lines controversy was blown out of proportion, but it’s still not that great of a song.

6 - 3.5/5 stars. I can get down to this, it’s just... not sexy.

5 - 0/5 stars. RIP Fastball.

4 - .5/5 stars. Only because Shawn’s slurring is funny.

3 - 2/5 stars. At least it’s fun, I guess.

2 - 2.5/5 stars. Again, at least it’s enjoyable if you ignore the words.

1 - 0/5 stars. No more Meghan, please.

[frederickwiddowson]

The writings of Luke the physician starting with his version of the gospel - Luke 22:21-38 comments: at the "Last Supper"

Luke 22:21 ¶  But, behold, the hand of him that betrayeth me is with me on the table. 22  And truly the Son of man goeth, as it was determined: but woe unto that man by whom he is betrayed! 23  And they began to enquire among themselves, which of them it was that should do this thing. 24  And there was also a strife among them, which of them should be accounted the greatest. 25 And he said unto them, The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and they that exercise authority upon them are called benefactors. 26  But ye shall not be so: but he that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve. 27 For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? is not he that sitteth at meat? but I am among you as he that serveth. 28  Ye are they which have continued with me in my temptations. 29 And I appoint unto you a kingdom, as my Father hath appointed unto me; 30  That ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel. 31  And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: 32  But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. 33  And he said unto him, Lord, I am ready to go with thee, both into prison, and to death. 34 And he said, I tell thee, Peter, the cock shall not crow this day, before that thou shalt thrice deny that thou knowest me. 35  And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing. 36  Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. 37  For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me, And he was reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end. 38  And they said, Lord, behold, here are two swords. And he said unto them, It is enough.

 This is a fascinating and informative passage for us. Jesus states that his betrayer, Judas, is right there and makes an important point about evil. Even if an event is predetermined and ordained by God, such as Christ’s crucifixion, the person or persons involved in it are still guilty. For instance, we can say that World War Two was inevitable and God was going to use it for many and various reasons, but that does not eliminate the guiltiness of those who caused it on both the Allied and Axis sides.

 Matthew 18:7  Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

 We ask ourselves then why or how is a certain person used for evil in an event of great or small importance. It would seem that our inclination to do evil makes us a candidate for a particular job in God’s plan of history just as our inclination to obey Him makes us a candidate for another job. In the first we cannot blame God because of the fact that we choose to serve ourselves and by that choice are chosen for our evil task. In the second case, God honors our determination to obey Him with the blessing of being part of His plan of redeeming mankind to Himself, or at least the part of it who will and whom He knows will.

 The character of Judas, as we have seen, was one part in making him be selected as the traitor. Evil is going to happen in a fallen reality because of man’s rebellious spirit. But, it is not necessary for you specifically to be a part of it. You choose whom you will serve but the how is not up to you or often at least not in the way you think it should be.

 In the next section Christ defines servant leadership. A person fit to lead must be one who is willing to and, in fact, does serve. A true Christian leader is a servant. Throughout history many people have felt called to lead by virtue of what their society called a noble birth or perhaps they obtained status with money and power or military prowess without coming from an aristocratic lineage. But the Bible sets certain parameters for a leader. One is found in 2Samuel.

 2Samuel 23:3  The God of Israel said, the Rock of Israel spake to me, He that ruleth over men must be just, ruling in the fear of God.

 Christ left us the example of a leader, in this case God in the flesh, humbling Himself to serve others, those weaker than Himself clearly but also those who should be serving Him.

 Here also is a hint of who twelve are seated around the throne of God are in Revelation.

 Revelation 4:4  And round about the throne were four and twenty seats: and upon the seats I saw four and twenty elders sitting, clothed in white raiment; and they had on their heads crowns of gold.

 Perhaps Judas is replaced by Paul. But, these Apostles will suffer with Christ and are worthy to sit in judgment with Him.

 This brings us in verse 31 to the significance of using thee, the singular you, and you, the plural, something more modern Bibles do not have. The use of the singular thee, thou, and thine was dying out by the King James translators’ time. They were used in intimate forms in Shakespeare such as, “O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore are thou Romeo?” and resigned to dialects in Northern England and Scotland, finally held onto by religious groups like the Quakers. However, distinguishing between the singular you and the plural you can be important to understanding as in this passage.

 Jesus tells Simon Peter that Satan desires to harm the Apostles, the plural you. But Jesus has prayed to the Father for Simon, that his mind would be fully onboard with Christ’s mission, that he would strengthen his brothers in the Lord.

 Peter’s tongue then writes a check that his faith cannot cash. But, Christ foretells that Peter will soon deny that he even knows Jesus.

 The next part of this passage justifies a distinct dispensational approach to the Bible and God’s way of dealing with mankind at different times. Jesus had sent out His disciples, as reported in Luke 9, to preach depending solely on the benevolence of the Jews to whom they would preach, trusting in God for their needs.

 Luke 9:1 ¶  Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases. 2  And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick. 3  And he said unto them, Take nothing for your journey, neither staves, nor scrip, neither bread, neither money; neither have two coats apiece. 4  And whatsoever house ye enter into, there abide, and thence depart. 5  And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a testimony against them. 6  And they departed, and went through the towns, preaching the gospel, and healing every where.

 Now, they are to provide for themselves the things he had formerly told them not to carry, even to a sword for self-defense. Brigands and robbers were a common threat when traveling through the countryside. So, preachers must be careful about picking out a passage and insisting that it applies directly to their time and instructing their congregations that this is the model they should go by.

 Verse 37 alludes to Isaiah 53 and when Jesus does that as he does with Psalm 22 from the Cross itself it is good to read the entire passage. But, here is the direct verse He is referring to;

 Isaiah 53:12  Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

 Read Isaiah 52:13 through chapter 53. Here, Jesus affirms this is about Him. In the 11th century a Jewish commentator nicknamed Rashi began insisting that the passage in Isaiah was about the Jews as a whole rather than the Messiah in an attempt to counteract Christian teaching. To accept Rashi’s viewpoint is to call Christ a liar. While not the first teacher to suggest it Rashi was the first to teach it as a doctrine of Jewish belief. Scholars note that while the interpretation of the suffering servant in Isaiah as Israel itself was not unknown among the Jews as far back as the third century typically the servant was the Messiah until the Middle Ages and the time of Rashi. Writing after the massacres of Jews during the First Crusade Rashi was the first to seek a unifying meaning for the entire passage as a reference to the suffering of the Jews.(8) Rashi is so influential that I’ve read that some Jewish Bibles in their commentaries predominantly reflect his opinions. The Jewish Study Bible, edited by Adele Berlin and Marc Zvi Brettler notes that, "...the ArtScroll Tanach follows rabbinic interpretation rather than a more literal rendering of the biblical text itself..." and explains how the Biblical translators of that Bible relied heavily on Rashi.(9) 

 (8) Joel E. Rembaum, "The Development of a Jewish Exegetical Tradition regarding Isaiah 53," The Harvard Theological Review75, no. 3 (1982): 294. http://www.jstor.org/stable/1509755.

 (9) Adele Berlin and Marc Zvi Brettler, eds. The Jewish Study Bible (New York: Oxford University Press, 2014), 2017, 2018.

[wharfone]

January Playlist

January is that time of year that most people dread. Christmas is over, its the start of a new year and lets face it, so many bills come through that letterbox you almost want to tape it up.

However for me, January is a time to experience new things. Yes, I may have gone against all of my resolutions by now, but music is a resolution I will always stick to. So here is a quick list of songs that I think you should definitely listen to this month.

1. Borders by St. Beauty

If there’s one new artist that you need to listen to, it’s St. Beauty. These girls created something magical with this song and everything since has been gold.

2. My My My! by Troye Sivan

He’s back! The boy wonder is back and oh how long its been. This song is a wonderous journey into his feelings and is an absolute bop.

3. Faking It by Calvin Harris ft. Kehlani and Lil Yachty

Calvin’s latest album Funk Wav Bounces was literally that, an album full of bounces and this song is no exception.

4. IDGAF by Dua Lipa

This girl can literally do no wrong. After having an exceptional 2017 with her song New Rules she is back for 2018 with the song IDGAF from her self-titled debut which just re-entered the top 10 after her whopping 5 Brits nominations.

5. For You (Fifty Shades Freed) by Rita Ora & Liam Payne

Okay, so this may be a bit of an embarrassing song to include on my behalf, but these films are huge and the soundtrack, while not a Bond theme, certainly have the power to keep this film franchise going.

6. Cycles by Tove Lo

Tove Lo is my guilty pleasure. Every song she releases is sexually suggestive in all sorts of ways but they always have a deeper meaning and this song can make you feel all the emotions.

7. The Weekend - Funk Wav Remix by SZA ft. Calvin Harris

Following on from Faking It, I had to include this bouncy remix of an already amazing song by SZA.

8. Told You So by Miguel

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully explain how much I love Miguel’s music and this song is the epitome of what his music is about: having fun.

9. New Rules (SG Lewis Remix) by Dua Lipa ft. SG Lewis

This song was huge for Dua back in 2017 (feels like ages ago, right?), and this remix is a chilled, cool alternative to the often overplayed original. Listen in and feel like you’re lying by the pool where Dua filmed the video for this song (plastic flamingos optional).

10. Finesse by Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B

Okay, I have something to admit. I’m one of those few people who actually really does not like Bruno Mars. I don’t get the appeal, but when I saw Cardi B had done a verse on this song, I was hooked, and the 90s vibes from this are just too strong.

11. Finders Keepers (DUSK Remix) - Mabel, Kojo Funds and DUSK

I’m going to admit that the original version of this song I hate. It was played EVERYWHERE (and I mean everywhere.) but this remix just gives it new life and keeps it fresh.

12. Aura by SG Lewis ft. JWarner

SG Lewis to me is one of those artists who needs more recognition. I met him and interviewed him a couple of years ago when he was first breaking through and he’s since gone from strength to strength and this new music is just the tip of the iceberg, I’m sure.

If you’d like to add any of these to your playlists, I’ve attached the Spotify link below. Let me know some of your suggestions and I’ll give them a listen and maybe they’ll get a special mention, or will even be included in next month’s edition.

https://open.spotify.com/user/jordanjd/playlist/2ChlCq7tjPFaTblExgNuux?si=HUx_lLQwQg-gb10osSTywg

[paigemoonlma32]

Development within Heathers

Throughout the years of Heathers, the musical has been adapted through different performances, For example: 

"You're Welcome" from the 2018 West End Production of Heathers the Musical replaces "Blue," a song on the World Premiere Cast Recording (Heathers The Musical - "You're Welcome" (Unknown, 2018). "You're Welcome" was initially written by O'Keefe and Murphy for the High School edition, but was added to the official show beginning with the 2018 London production. O'Keefe and Murphy preferred "You're Welcome" as they had come to feel that "Blue" was a bit lazy, and had inadvertently trivialised the lead character's fears (given that Veronica is cornered by two drunk, entitled high school football stars who refused to hear the word "no"). While "Blue" contained no dialogue for Veronica, by contrast, "You're Welcome" allows Veronica to express her fears and solve her problem, defeating her assailants decisively. As well as providing a more empowering alternative for Veronica, the new song remedies the way that "Blue" was often considered as "treating date rape as a laughing matter" and presenting sexual assault or harassment as "boyish antics", due to the comical nature of the song (Heathers: The Musical, 2020). 

While researching about the change I came across a thread on the social media app Reddit titled “Removing Blue from Heathers was stupid” (deleted, 2019). Straight away this proves that some of the audience members were not pleased about the change. Other comments within the post stated “It made no sense for people to be offended by Blue, but not by literally the entire rest of the show, which presents a lot of dark/serious topics in a humorous way, because it's a Satire!” (Derp_8, 2019). “It is disturbingly rapey” and “It sounds nothing like a Heathers song. They're all supposed to sound like 80's songs but this sounds like 90's” stated another user (Goth2002, 2019).  Laurence O’Keefe and Kevin Murphy stated in a ‘PLAYBILL’ article on March 22nd 2018: “Some thought “Blue" was wonderful and all in good fun. Others were offended, feeling we were treating date rape as a laughing matter (O’Keefe and Murphy, 2018). After listening to both songs and watching multiple performances of both I personally prefer ‘Blue’. My reason is that ‘Blue’ is a very comedic song. As much as they are singing about wanting sex and how much Veronica makes their balls blue, Kurt and Rams interactions are mainly to each other. During the majority of the performances for ‘Blue’, you will find Veronica standing up stage looking whilst discussing what they are singing. However in “Your Welcome”, Veronica is stuck in the middle of the boys which is why she is thinking about getting out of the situation (Heathers, 2019). For me personally, “Your Welcome” implys more of a serious date rape senorio over two boys singing to eacher about the desire to have sex. I presume my opinion could be different if Veronia was stuck in the middle again, however, she is normally at a safe distance as previously stated (Heathers, 2017). 87 fans of Heathers the musical took to vote to say whether or not they liked the song change. 5.7% of the fans liked the change of the song, however 94.3% did not like the change and still prefer “Blue” (Thoughts On Heathers Replacing "Blue" | Heathers Amino, 2017). 

A new song for Heather Duke, "Never Shut Up Again", was also added for the London run, replacing the "Blue (Reprise)". For the 2017 workshop, there was a different song to replace "Blue (Reprise)", which became "Big Fun (Reprise)", part of which is now included in "Never Shut Up Again". Never Shut Up Again is the first time we really hear from Heather Duke and how she felt about being treated badly. Duke sings the Lyrics “I bit my tongue so long, I learned to count to ten” which gives the impression of how long she has let the anger build up inside of her due to Heather Chandler never letting her speak. In the next verse, Duke compares Heather Chandler to the ‘Wicked Witch of East’ from ‘The Wizard of Oz’ when she sings “A house dropped on her head, The witch is dead! Ding Dong!”. After research I also found that it is a reference to the line “Killing Heather would be like offing the Wicked Witch of the West. Wait East. West” which is a quote from the original 1988 film of Heathers where Veronica is writing in her diary about how she wants to kill Heather Chandler (Barry, 2019). The chorus of this song that gets repeated is “I will never shut up again”, this is because Duke from the beginning of act 1 is told repeatedly to shut up by Heather Chandler. However, now that Chandler is dead, Duke is rejoicing that she now has the power that chandler had. This is symbolised by Heather Chandler's red Scrunchie (Heathers, 2019). 

In the last week at The Other Palace, the authors added a new song after "Shine a Light (Reprise)" called "I Say No", in which Veronica finally dumps J.D. when he proposes a return to murdering. In this she tells him "you need help I can't provide" and walks out on him. The song remained in the show for the Haymarket run and was released on February 15, 2019. One audience member stated “This is EXACTLY the type of song this show needed. I am ALWAYS here for giving Veronica more backbone, and calling out JD on his shit. It gives ‘I Am Damaged’ a whole new meaning now, which it DESPERATELY needed. Now he’s like movie JD: he doesn’t actually love her. He loves her means to an end” (Alabba, 2019). Throughout this song Veronica is realising that JD has been using her emotions as excuses for what he has done. For example, she sings “But you’re still using me to justify the harm you do”, this is linking back to the scene where JD has just killed Kurt and Ram, and then he asks Veronica “Did they make you cry? Well they can’t now”. He also states “You wanted them dead” to make Veronica feel more guilty so that he can comfort her again (Rios, 2018).

With Heathers having such a teen based audience there has also been a “Heathers (High school Edition)” released. “After seeing the Off-Broadway production several times, we knew that Heathers would have a cult following among teen audiences and fans of the motion picture, due to its focus on the important issues of bullying and teenage depression.” says Samuel French executive director Bruce Lazarus. “We believe that Heathers 101: High School Edition deals with these themes in a meaningful way, which will resonate with our high school audiences” (GIOIA, 2016).  Changing songs such as ‘Blue’ to ‘Your welcome’ is one of many ways to make the musical more suited for the high school edition. However, certain songs such as Dead Girl Walking stayed just directed with a different intention. ‘Dead Girl Walking’ changed to be less about a teen girl’s final sexcapades and more about “a girl driven to say, ‘To hell with it!’ by despair and fear” - brought to light the show’s themes, which function as important lessons for the high-school students (GIOIA, 2016). An article from The Atlantic stated “Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like the Broadway version really gets the genius bleakness of the original. An early preview of the musical Heathers reveals that Veronica’s monologues are now big numbers about how high-school can be suffocating. None of the songs have the film’s creative profanity, or even a tinge of satire. It’s a sad thought, Heathers turned into a mere Glee episode about suicide” (Zilberman, 2014).

Fun Facts about Heathers:

The actress who played Heather Chandler in the original film of Heathers died at the age of 32 from a brain tumor. “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?” is one of the most famous sentences that comes from Heathers. There is a true meaning behind the sentence, and it appears to be an “unfortunate twist of fate” (Arnold, 2020).

The movie was originally supposed to end with J.D. blowing up the school and then everyone would have prom in heaven while drinking blue punch. Apparently, the studio rejected this ending because they thought it was too grim (Arnold, 2020)

The initial script featured more violence. When Waters finished his first draft of Heathers (which was the first script he'd ever written), it was 200 pages long, which would have roughly amounted to a three-hour film. The body count was higher, too; not even the editor of the school newspaper survived. Waters admits that the first draft of the script shows how Veronica was originally more twisted than she is today. The reasoning for the slight change of character is because Winona Ryder, who played Veronica, delivered something slightly different in the auditions by adding “warmth and empathy” to the character (Cormier, 2015).

Westerberg High was named after The Replacements' singer-songwriter Paul Westerberg. At one point in the film, Christian Slater's character J.D. says “color me impressed,” which references a song by The Replacements (Cormier, 2015).

J.D. tells Veronica that the “ich lüge” bullets he'll use to scare the school jocks will do just that - scare them - when, in fact, they're intended to kill them. ‘Ich luge’ is german for ‘I'm Lying’ (Cormier, 2015).

The movie of Heathers was becoming a TV series to premiere in March 2018. However, the series was shut down due to the event which took place at Parkland, Florida, which became a “challenging subject” because of the shooting and using gun violence in the series (Cormier, 2015).

[dolphinshark]

10. Rihanna on N.E.R.D.’s “Lemon”

Kendrick only chose one guest rapper for DAMN. and he chose wisely. And while “LOYALTY.” absolutely rips, it wasn’t Rihanna’s best rap feature of the year. That title has to go her sneering, shit-talking verse on N.E.R.D.’s comeback single, “Lemon.” RiRi is the unchallenged empress of bad girl cool, and every croaked syllable and tossed off fuck-you line of this verse affirms her right to the throne.

...man, how dope is it gonna be when Rihanna finally decides to just a make a straight up rap album?

9. Young Thug on Drake’s “Sacrifices”

Who would have guessed that the next evolution of rap’s preeminent spazzy, addled weirdo would be restraint? Temperance? Downright...traditional...verses? Not I, at least. And yet, it does make a certain degree of sense. Thugga’s just taking everything he’s learned in his experiments in freeform assonance, bent rhyme, and euphony and placing it into a traditional framework. The result is as typically great as the rest of his work, but in a way that’s entirely atypical for him. 

8. Giggs on Drake’s “KMT”

One of the Great Mysteries of Drake is how he’s widely known as the Gentlest Rapper In The Game, when he’s actually at his best when he’s pissed off and taking names. There is perhaps no greater proof of that than how starkly the grime-influenced gourdbuster “KMT” stands out amidst the breezy riddims that populate the rest of More Life. And a major reason for that is the track’s show stealing guest turn. Giggs’s gutty, mile-deep voice has always been a helluva weapon and here he employs it perfectly, hanging back and lurking behind the beat like a panther. 

7. A$AP Ferg on Marty Baller’s “Like Mike”

Oh, the power of the musical triplet. For most of it’s runtime, Marty Baller’s “Like Mike” is the sort of sunny, giddy anthem that I’d throw in a party anthem playlist, forget about, and be pleasantly surprised by in twelve to eighteen months. But then A$AP Ferg hops on the beat and adds a single extra beat to the flow and turns it into a hook that’s taken up permanently in my brain. And that’s even before he dips into a herky-jerky double time flow that’s icing on the cake. (We’ve all officially decided the Ferg’s the best member of A$AP Mob by now, right?)

6. Chance The Rapper on DJ Khaled’s “I’m The One”

After owning 2016 so totally that he took half the spots on last year’s version of this list, Chance had a quieter and decidedly more mixed 2017. In the minus column were the petty (getting all Internet Mad about people not liking the objectively terrible movie The House) to the downright scummy (putting the screws to MTV.com to get them to remove an article in which a dude had the temerity to say that he didn’t like Coloring Book as much as Acid Rap). But a big check in the plus column was his verse on DJ Khaled’s Beiber-fronted mega-hit “I’m The One.” It’s breezy but dense in the way that only a Chance verse can be, the sort of one that you can sing along with in the car and unpack and analyze with your headphones one. Here’s to a little more of that and a little less of the other stuff in 2018. (Oh and “She want a n**** that pull her hair and hold the door for her” might be the line of the year.)

5. Kendrick Lamar on “DUCKWORTH.”

I’ve just been handed an urgent announcement!

Just let me put on my reading glasses...

[ahem]

It reads, “Kendrick Lamar is good at rapping.”

Huh!

Who’da thunk it?

...

In all seriousness, though, “DUCKWORTH.” is Kendrick putting all of his lyrical and storytelling gifts to carefully unfolding what maybe the best real-life plot reveal in the history of rap music. When we look back at his career, this is the moment that takes him from being a great rapper to being a mythic figure.

4. YG on Mike Will Made It’s “Gucci On My”

I’m sure that we’ve seen better rap verses  this year, but I’m also sure that we haven’t seen one that’s cooler than YG’s turn on “Gucci On My”. He drops three lines, then lets a chorus of ladies spend half his time listing the ways in which he is awesome. Once they’re done he slides back in with line that’s so effortless and smooth that we have to jump cut to 21 Savage’s “YEAH YEAH YEAH” reaction. In a weird way, it actually reminds me of a musical. Listen to that song again. Can’t you just see YG cockily two-stepping in front of a chorus line of women chanting about how he’s the best?

3. Jadakiss on “F vs J Intro”

I mean, did you think I wasn’t going to be obsessed with Jadakiss rapping how he is literally Jason Voorhees? Like LI-TER-AL-LY Jason Voorhees? Whew, boy. But, the thing about writing about Kiss’s rapping is that it’s so self-evidently great that it’s hard to write anything other than “Look! Just look at it!” His best verses are so tightly written that it feels absurd to try to put into words what makes them great. So, I’m just going to copy/paste three lines and move on. “I came out of the lake, but I be in the boondocks / Flannel with overall, work boots, tube socks / I’ll put something right through your face from out the toolbox”

(!!!)

2. Cardi B on Migos’ “Motorsport”

Real Talk 2017: I almost split this list into “Top 5 Cardi Verses” and “Top 5 Non-Cardi Verses” but eventually decided against it only because there were so many good Non-Cardi verses that I felt guilty excluding them. To wit: Cardi owned rap this year. And her star-cementing turn on “Motorsport” was what cinched the year as her’s alone. It’s everything that makes her great in a nutshell, sixteen bars of hard-nosed, Bronx-honk shit talking that oozes with her inimitable personality. And the thing is, it still feels like Cardi’s on an upsweep. If she owned 2017, there’s no telling what she’s going to do in the next twelve months.

In fact, there’s only one thing that could keep her out of the top spot on this list...

1. Lil Wayne on “Listen To Me”

...and that’s a new verse from the greatest rapper ever, mid-00s Lil Wayne.

When T-Pain announced that he was throwing open the Disney Vault and finally releasing his long-shelved full-length collaboration with Lil Wayne, I only wanted one thing: one (JUST ONE!) earth-shattering Mixtape Weezy verse. And, luckily, that’s exactly what we got. Now, “Listen To Me” is an objectively terrible song. (It samples the fucking Oompa-Loompas, for Christ’s sake.) But, Wayne attacks his verse in the way that no one did before him and no one’s done since. He jukes and pivots and glides through his rhymes with such deftness that you’re perpetually playing a kind of dizzying, ecstatic catch-up, always two lines behind him. It’s an artifact from a time when the weirdest rapper, the most technically advanced rapper, the hungriest rapper, and most purely fun rapper were all the same dude. Every other verse on this list was a gift; this one is a miracle.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This post has been edited. It previously contained explicit language that was inappropriate for a white writer to use, even in quotations. That language has now been starred out. Not editing it in the first place was wrong, and you have my sincere apologies. - TWG